Everyday CANNOT Be An Exception

For the last couple weeks I have been saying, I will restart on Wednesday (when my Weight Watchers week restarts).  There are special reasons why THIS week I don't need to stay on plan. And then I really began to think about all the exceptions I have been making for myself and all the excuses I have been making about why I don't need to stay on plan.  Thanksgiving is next week and then the holidays come and then it's the new year and then... blah blah blah... 

Yesterday I hit a wall.  A "I don't fit into any of my clothes and I feel super not great at the moment" wall.  And then something just snapped.  I can't explain it.  I can't really express what made me feel SO determined.  But a surge washed over me and I decided that I NEED to make a change.

And then I had a very large revelation...

EVERY DAY/EVERY WEEK CANNOT BE THE EXCEPTION

And with that strict determination and a weird rush of adrenaline running through my body, I grabbed markers and paper and started making posters for my wall.  

Even more importantly I decided to make an inspiration journal.  I love my inspiration journal.  It's filled with different pictures to remind of what I can do.  

And even more importantly super determined Emily from last night wrote struggling Emily a note about why to stay on plan.  

I also made a plan to write at least on thing a day I did to make me happy and to stay on plan. When I showed it to my WW group tonight, people were very impressed and thought it was a great idea.  I left the WW meeting feeling proud of my work.  Proud of myself.  And ready to rumble.  I started my new WW week today and have stayed exactly on plan, using no extra points and eating well.  

I am feeling excited and ready to really do this.  There are a lot of days coming up that could be exceptions, but I am determined to not let that happen.  I NEED to remember everyday CANNOT be an exception. 

Updated Stats

Ok, so this week wasn't as bad as I thought... I went down... Only .4 but that's better than up! October 31 is my 10-15 pounds down goal... and I am DETERMINED to do it! 

I used some flex yesterday... but only 4 AND I earned 10 activity points.  So I feel good about yesterday.  I am on a good path for today and am feeling good about this week. 

Off to do some Rockin' Body with Shaun T. 

I WILL see good results on the scale this week and even if I don't, I want to feel good about the decisions I made.  Keep sending the love and good thoughts.   I appreciate all of your support!  

Here are my stats by week

Week 1 Loss: 

• Total from WW reboot: -3.8 pounds
• Total from original WW start: -22.6 pounds

Week 2 Loss: 

• Weekly total: -3.6 pounds
• Total from WW reboot: -7.4 pounds
• Total from original WW start: -26.2 pounds

Week 3 Loss: 

• Weekly total: -.4 pounds
• Total from WW reboot: -7.8 pounds
• Total from original WW start: -26.6 pounds

Week 4 Gain: 

• Weekly total: +.8 pounds
• Total from WW reboot: -6.6 pounds
• Total from original WW start: -25.8 pounds

Week 5 Loss:

• Weekly total: -.4 pounds
• Total from WW reboot: -7.4 pounds
• Total from original WW start: -26.2 pounds

7.4/10-15 pounds.  2 weeks until my first goal.  I got this.  

You heard it here first...

I have decided that I really think my key to success is by not using any flex on Wednesday and Thursdays. The weeks that I have been successful, I didn't use any extra points on Wednesday or Thursday. I think that it helps me keep things in check.  This week I did not save my points.  I used a lot on Wednesday... And then on Thursday I used more... And then on Friday I used more... An on Saturday I used more... 

And then...  I fell off on Sunday.
I tried to get on again today.  
I stayed off today. 
I am trying to get back on right now. 

But I know that tomorrow isn't going to go as well...  Perhaps I will start my week tomorrow... No flex on Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday... that sounds like a great plan... 

October 31 is still 17 days away.  I can do it.  I can do it.  I can do it. 

Tuesday's Weigh In

Well, as expected I went up this week.  I knew I was going to and now it is time to get back on track.  

Here is the problem.  Perhaps I shall use the words personal challenge instead... When I gain, that night I eat whatever I want, and it's a hard habit to break.  I tracked everything I ate yesterday but it wasn't good.  I went over by 21 points.  I used 21 of my 49 flex points for the week on the first day of my new WW week.  That's so annoying. 

So, instead, I will make sure that I don't use flex again until Sunday when I have a double game day. Those are tricky days... and I need all the points I can get. 

Here is the plan: 

• Thursday-- No workout, no flex
• Friday-- Workout with Court, no flex 
• Saturday-- Workout in the am, 5-10 flex 
• Sunday-- Workout in the am, flex+activity points 
• Monday-- Workout with Court, no flex 
• Tuesday-- WEIGH IN DAY! 

Food wise today is looking good! 

It's going to be a good week.  I can do it, I can do it, I can do it... 

If you see me, ask me how it's going!  AND if I have been drinking enough water! 

It's Not All Sunshine and Roses? And it's not all about food...

Yesterday I started a "woe is me entry" about how much this week has sucked. Hence the "It's Not All Sunshine and Roses" title.

But last night I performed in my choir's cabaret.  It was one of the most fun events I have ever performed in.  

And all night I didn't think about food.  I struggled to find an outfit, but when I landed on one, the evening wasn't about food.  It was about supporting an important cause, singing my heart out, and hanging with my friends.  

Tomorrow night I might not be excited with my weigh-in but today I am focusing on getting back on the wagon and feeling good about yesterday! 

For those of you who aren't friends with me on Facebook, here is the performance from last night. 

Enjoy!

On A Better Path

So this week I only lost .4 pounds. 

At first I was mad.  I've been working my butt off and I only lost .4 pounds. 

But everyone I told said something like, "Emily, at least you didn't gain."  And after 4 people telling me, I started to believe it.

Regardless of what the scale said, I KNOW that I am making good choices.  I am working out 3 times a week.  Eating healthier meals.  Tracking what I am eating.  I can tell that I have more energy and that I am happier! 

I KNOW I am making myself healthier!

And I feel good! 

Next week I will hopefully lose more than .4 pounds. 

But no matter what, I WILL keep on this healthier track! 

Thanks for all your support!  Keep up the emails and Facebook messages!

Busy day... You can't get me down!

I have a busy day today.  Busy busy busy.

8 am workout
9 am coffee date
10-12 am volunteering at my old school
12-1 pm lunch/work in the office
1-3 pm go out and meet with potential sponsors
3-7 pm work in the office
7-9 pm board meeting
9-10:30 pm travel home and make sure I am memorized for tomorrow's rehearsal

It's not going to be a bad day, just busy.  And if it wasn't clear by my schedule, after I leave at 8 am I will not be returning home until 10:30 pm.  So, I had two choices I could choose from.  Eat out for dinner and pick up quick meals/snacks in between everything OR make all my food in the morning to take with me for the day.

Before I give away which I chose (although you probably could guess), I want to let you in on my mood today.  I am feeling very proud of myself.  Yesterday I went over my points more than I had intended.  I used 6 flex that I wasn't planning on.  But here is the great thing about my WW reboot... I remember that THAT'S OK!  I don't need to toss in the towel because I ate a couple extra points! AND it wasn't on anything terrible.  I had veggies and ranch dressing!  Between that and skittles, which is better?  EXACTLY!  So, I am ok with my 6 points over.  And today I am making up for it by planning the entire day and MAKING SURE I stay on that plan!

And so, spoiler alert, I chose planning my whole day, preparing it, and taking it with me... So for your reading pleasure... Presenting Emily's Food For Thursday...

My food for today

Let me break it down for you meal by meal!

Breakfast
Kale and Sausage (2 points)

Afterwork snack
Kale and Sausage again (2 points)

Lunch
Salad w/left over beef stroganoff (no noodles!) (8 points)
Carrots/Cucumbers with KEFIR ranch dressing (which is so so good) (3 points)
Apples and my amazing cream cheese (3 points)

Dinner
Salad w/carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes, sliced up turkey and the ranch dressing (5 points)
Apples and cream cheese (3 points)

Liquids
Water (at least 5 water bottles full)
Coffee with milk x2 (2 points)

Ok, I know what you are going to say.  And if you know me you know these meal choices are very typical of "can't do anything in moderation Tinawi".  I get on "kicks".  So right now, I am ALL about the ranch salad and apples with cream cheese.  As I was preparing my food this morning I was actually thinking about my stir-fry kick, my plain chicken breast kick... and how funny I can be with my eating habits when I am really sticking to the plan.  But it works for me.  And truthfully, until this "kick" is over, I probably won't get bored.  Better this "kick" than my one this summer which was filled with crepes (oh, so good, but not good for me) and cheeseburgers with fries!  So, I will happily indulge in this set of foods and hope it continues to help me see results on the scale, in my body, and most importantly mentally.  I love the energy I feel everyday from kicking the crap out of my system!  

I am off to workout.  But I can feel it... Busy day you won't get me down...

And OCTOBER 31... 
15 pounds... 
here I come! 

And the results are in...

So, today is Tuesday.  Tuesday is weigh-in day.  I haven't posted any results since my WW reboot. Well... here are my results from my first two weeks REALLY being back following the WW plan...

Week 1 Loss: 

• Total from WW reboot: -3.8 pounds
• Total from original WW start: -22.6 pounds

Week 2 Loss: 

• Weekly total: -3.6 pounds
• Total from WW reboot: -7.4 pounds
• Total from original WW start: -26.2 pounds 

I am feeling so excited about my progress!  

I am excited that I CAN do this!

I am excited that I am getting healthy! 

I am excited that I am working out with my amazing personal trainer, Courtney, 3 times a week! 

I am excited and thankful for all the support I have in my life. 

I am excited to plan my meals this week! 

I am excited to keep on my new, revitalized WW plan!

I feel GREAT!  

And not just because of the weight I am losing but because I am getting healthy! 

I am getting myself back to taking care of myself. 

And to end this entry I want share my new favorite snack.  I discovered it on accident and have been eating with at least two meals a day since. 

It is only 1 point for each tablespoon!  I eat it with an apple every day. 

As I continue on my 3rd week of WW rebooted (with pumpkin cream cheese), I am really trying to be good, stick to the plan, and create goals.  So, my goals for this week:

• Wednesday and Thursday-- No flex 
• Saturday and Sunday-- Use allotted flex
• Exercise 3 days at least 

I'll update later this week with how everything is going.  Keep sending me your good thoughts and support.  I really need it! 

 

It's Decided!

This starting over thing has been GREAT so far!  I am feeling excited.  I am feeling determined.  I am feeling like I can do this!

At "my first" Weight Watchers meeting on Tuesday the leader talked asked how we were feeling about Weight Watchers and our ability to be successful.  The most positive option was invincible and the least positive was fair.  And I said out loud without even thinking, "So fair!"  And of course it was kind of quiet at the moment and everyone looked to see what our corner had said.  But after being embarrassed I realized how fast it came out of my mouth and how much I felt  it's true.  I was feeling lousy about WW and what I felt like I could do.

I have gained 30 pounds in 2 years.  What is my problem?! And I couldn't even really listen to the rest of the meeting because I was so angry.  Just angry. Angry at WW.  Feel skeptical of people that had lost 100 pounds and were talking about their success even though two years ago that had been sharing my successes. And I couldn't help but get furious at myself.  And as I was sitting there feeling overwhelmed, my friend, Shelby, sitting next to me whispered, "When I started doing WW, I totally felt invincible."

And it hit me.

She is right.  When I started WW it was like a new relationship.  Everything was all flowers and sunshine. Difficult flowers and sunshine, but exciting, new, fun, and rewarding.
And I was excited to go to meetings.
And I was excited to weigh in.
And I was excited to share with new people coming in.
And I was excited to work out (some times).
And I was excited to write on my Facebook and blog about my successes.

And in that moment all the shame and frustrations I was feeling started to lift.  I had been feeling like a fraud.  A WW fraud who didn't deserve to write an "inspirational" weight loss blog or share my journey or be proud of the 19 pounds I lost in 2009/2010.

I wanted to smack myself!  I had gotten lazy and embarrassed... but not writing it on a blog or on Facebook didn't mean I was getting any healthier.  The "woe is me" spiral wasn't helping at all.  My clothes weren't magically going to start to fit again.

So, I decided to "restart" WW.  This is my first week.  And I am lucky to have such supportive people in my life.  Jd has asked me every day how my first week is going.  Shelby has texted/snapchatted me multiple times a day. And back on Tuesday when she and I went to coffee after the WW, we looked deeply and honestly at how to change and get back on.  She helped me realize I needed to think honestly and not emotionally.

So, in addition to starting over on WW, I also made 3 goals based on my challenges.

• Since it is new, I am going to make sure that I am really tracking everything. AND I will not go over my points either Wednesday or Thursday so I can save them for this weekend (which has a lot of food challenging activities).  
• And will send my tracker to Shelby and Courtney every day.
• And I am going to blog three times before next Tuesday. 

I AM PROUD THAT I ACCOMPLISHED MY FIRST GOAL!  I didn't use ANY flex points Wednesday or Thursday and I made lots of GREAT choices!  This has been something that I have been struggling with since I got back from Europe, and before (if I am being honest).  And even though it wasn't easy I DID IT!!

I KNOW I have some eating challenges coming up this weekend but I know since I am no longer feeling fair (I am INVINCIBLE), I ,CAN DO IT!  Today I have packed my lunch.  A morning shake, an after working out egg and kale snack, a sandwich and salad for lunch, and a gluten free pretzel snack for when I am feeling starving at 2.  I have planned and  I am ready.  And as a treat, I am having sushi out tonight at dinner and I have already tracked my day and allotted the amount of points I have to use tonight!

My lunch.  Although I don't get to drink the Fresca if I haven't had two whole bottles of water already!

My lunch packing buddy!

I feel good.  I feel happy.  I feel proud.  I feel invincible.  Two solid days of remembering that I can do this. Of going back to the "honeymoon" phase and really investing in ME has made me remember that I can do this.  And it doesn't matter that I have gained 30 pounds back.  I am going to look FORWARD.  I remember that feeling of giddiness getting ready for Tuesday weigh in!

I am off to workout with Courtney for the third time this week! And I will continue to make working out with her a priority!

It's decided... This is a marathon and not a sprint and I CAN DO IT! AND I AM WORTH IT! 

Exciting News!

Hello Blogging World!

I know it has been a long, long time!  I have some exciting news.  I joined WEIGHT WATCHERS today!  Apparently it is a life-changing, weight loss program that really works.  I went to my first meeting today.  I sat next to this really nice girl named Shelby. There were also two women at the meeting who have lost over 75 pounds.  That gives me hope that I can too.  I weighed in and almost flipped out when I saw the number. 194.8 pounds.  Almost 200.  It's depressing and it made me wonder how I got here.

Ok. Ok. We all know that it wasn't my first Weight Watchers meeting!  In fact, I have been doing WW for almost 4 years.  However, somewhere along the way I lost my enthusiasm and my dedication for my weight loss.  So, here is the deal... I am starting over.  It's a clean slate...

SO...

Today I joined WEIGHT WATCHERS!  And I am very excited to be starting this new journey.

AND... I made 3 goals for my first week:

• Since it is new, I am going to make sure that I am really tracking everything. AND I will not go over my points either Wednesday or Thursday so I can save them for this weekend (which has a lot of food challenging activities).  
• And will send my tracker to Shelby and Courtney every day.
• And I am going to blog three times before next Tuesday. 

I am very excited for this new adventure!  I am ready to own this new life change that is called WW! I am planning on losing at somewhere between 10-15 pounds lost by Halloween!  I SO can do this! 

Here is a picture of what I look like at my starting weight... 

Wish me luck in this new endeavor! 

London Blog

While I am in London and Ireland I will be posting blog posts about my trip.  I will only be posting on this blog if it's food or weight related.  :-)

Here is the link: tinawipalooza.blogspot.com

Thanks for being supportive!!!

Photos Are About Memories

Yesterday I ran a 5K!  This is my second one in just over a month.  I didn't train for this one like the one in April.  I didn't even really want to run yesterday with the weather, but despite all the whining, we actually beat our time in April by 3 minutes!  My mom was there to cheer me on.  I ran with two friends who cheered me on.  I was proud of myself for beating our time.  I was proud of myself for only walking about 1/2 a mile.  I was proud of myself for running across the Stone Arch bridge both directions.  I was proud and happy.  It was actually kind of fun.  

Until I saw this picture... 

And I was no longer excited or proud of what I had accomplished.  All I could focus on was the picture and how gross I think I look in it.  I tried to be excited but it was all I could focus on.  I looked at the pictures of 2 years ago when I was down 50 and training to run every day.  When I finished my second race.  The WW 5k that was a life-changing moment for me.  

When I woke up this morning I realized how ridiculous that was.  YESTERDAY I finished a 5K!  I ran a 5K!  I didn't really train and I beat my time from only a month ago!  I had a great time, with great friends, and my mom!  And as I was thinking about this, a quote came up on a friend's page.

This quote came from a blog.  I went to this blog and looked through the pictures and quotes.  The woman who writes it is a supporter of being healthy and not fixating on only looks.  It really hit home.  I am not being healthy right now.  But my fixation and obsession with my weight is not making me any more healthy.  There was one quote on her blog that I read and loved.

“Photos are about memories and experiences, not just how you look or what you weigh.”

I read that quote and it made me smile.  Yesterday was an amazing memory.  An amazing experience.  And a reminder that I can do whatever I put my mind to.  Yesterday was an amazingly successful and fun day.  So phooey on where I was two years ago!  I want to celebrate RIGHT NOW!  There are a lot of exciting things coming up and I want to live in the moment and enjoy... And yesterday couldn't have been a more perfect day for where I am at this moment in time.  And I am lucky to have photos that will remind me of the amazing memories...

Reality Check

I have been avoiding writing this post.  I keep writing and re-writing over and over and over again.  It doesn't matter how I try to avoid it, it's time to be honest.  I am not in a good Weight Watchers place.  It's just not good.  I can dress it up anyway I want, "I am busy"... "I left my job"... "I am going to Europe"... but the truth is I am just taking it seriously and I have gained a lot of weight... Here was my reality check...

MY CLOTHES DON'T FIT!  

I can try and make excuses all I want but that is the reality... My clothes don't fit.

I am more than embarrassed to admit that this is where I am.  I look at pictures of people who started their journey after me and have already hit Weight Watcher's lifetime and I am ashamed of where I am.

What I need to remind myself is that it doesn't actually have anything to do with anyone else but myself.  I have not wanted to post because I am not ok with where I am.  I am not ok with how I look.  And let's not even really begin talking about the choices I am continuing to make with food.  Use your imagination... It's not good.

I don't have a good answer at the moment.  I know I am not eating healthy or working out.  I know what I need to do but I feel like I am stuck.  Stuck in a bad spiral of choices.  I don't have anything productive to say other than that.  I don't have a master plan, I am not feeling inspired... I just AM.

I wouldn't have written this post except a fellow blogger posted a very honest entry this month.  She talks about how much weight she has gained from apathy.  Reading her blog made me feel better because I know that I am not alone.  It doesn't excuse my eating or where I am... but it makes me feel less like a failure.  Less embarrassed.  Less alone.

Perhaps tomorrow I will wake up ready to get back on.  Or perhaps I should make a realistic set of goals for myself this summer.  Perhaps I should ask a friend for advice.  Perhaps I should share in a weight watchers meeting.  Perhaps I should do SOMETHING.  ANYTHING.  Except what I am doing at the moment.

I promise to write again before Europe.  Hopefully tomorrow... And I hope by then I have something more uplifting to post.  But I wanted to write this entry.  I wanted to be honest.  Not to whine.  Not to try and get pity.  Not to sound depressing.  Just to be honest.  To get it off my chest.

Below are some pictures to help get my brain back in a positive space... Wish me luck.

Starting. 213 pounds.

Last summer. 168 pounds. 

My lowest.  159 pounds. 

Now. 186 pounds. THIS is a reality check. 

Life Is Yours For the Taking

Sometimes in life, there are so many things going on that you need to choose not to stress out over everything.  There are big things going on in my life right now and my "healthy eating" is suffering... But I am trying not to let it get me down.  I am trying to stay positive...  There is a lot that I want to say.  There are moments in the last couple weeks that I am proud of and moments that I feel mortified about... Soon,


I will be blogging soon about a friend of mine that inspires me to keep going.
I will be blogging soon about big life changes coming up.
I will be blogging soon about my plans for the summer.
I will be blogging soon about my first three week of summer boot camp idea.


But for right now, I am enjoying doing MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING with my 4th Graders and the 13 days I have left with them. :-)

There is so much going on in my brain that to keep stressing and feeling guilty and bad about myself is not actually making me any healthier... In fact, I think my way of thinking recently might be the most unhealthy I have been in a long time.

There are only 3 weeks of school left and while I plan not to fall completely off the wagon, I am also ok with not being completely on the wagon while this happens.

So, have a happy, wonderful Tuesday.  Hug someone today.  Tell someone that you love that you love them.  And just enjoy that life is yours for the taking.

No Cleanse For Me

I feel almost like I am disappointing someone but writing this post... but... I have to be honest.  That's what this blog is all about...

So, I started and ended my cleanse today... I liked the idea in theory... but right now is not the correct time in life to be cleansing... At least in a way that I am only "eating" smoothies!  Today was a MISERABLE day... and it almost put me back in a funk... So I stopped.  I am going to be eating VERY healthy.  I am going to use the food I bought to eat better... but cleanse I will not.  I felt awful today.  They say you need to prep for a cleanse and I did not do that. 

I am not a good quitter... but sometimes you have to listen to your body.  Perhaps a different cleanse will come along at a different point... But for today... I will focus on my new running shoes and getting to work out tomorrow!!!

Happy Monday!

3 Day Cleanse and Updates

So... It's almost Monday again!  And while I haven't completed my entire list of goals yet, I am feeling pretty good.

BUT there is something new and exciting... Tomorrow I am starting a 3-Day Cleanse... I am very nervous about it.  I am thinking I am going to be hungry.  But I am also excited to try it.  I found it online as a "kick start" to healthier eating.  It makes me nervous.  I've never done one.  But this doesn't seem like it will be too bad.  And my amazing boyfriend helped me doing the shopping.  I won't lie, it was really expensive... But I am hoping it will get me excited to eat healthier and make my body feel better... Sorry for the crazy random musings... :-)  There is just a lot I think about it... And what I am hoping will be the outcomes.

The Fridge All Stocked Up!

Ready to be blended in the morning!

Here are updates on the goals I set for this week...
1) Buy new running shoes. COMPLETED!
2) Buy new workout clothes (2 shirts, 1 pants) COMPLETED!
3) Fold all the clothes in my room on the floor. Not completed yet.
4) Clean up the study. Started... Not quite completed.
5) Write on thing that I like about myself every day on a list.
    TUESDAY- My hair.  I like my hair.  It's long and shiny.  It feels nice to play with.  And it looks good on most days.
    WEDNESDAY- My passion.  I love that I am passionate about things.  Sometimes to a fault.  But I love that I care so much.  It makes life better (and harder sometimes).  I feel very fulfilled by the things I do because of this.
    THURSDAY- My smile.  I feel like it makes others happy. 
    FRIDAY- The relationships I create with people.  They aren't full of fluff.  They are meaningful and real. 
    SATURDAY- My eyes.  They sparkle when I am happy.  And I think they are pretty. 
    SUNDAY- My energy.  I do think I have a lot to share with world and my positive energy is something I love to share! 
6) Run two times. Work out with Courtney once. And be ok with three times this week! Not completed yet BUT STARTED... Two workouts with Courtney COMPLETE and one really long walk with the boyfriend!  

The two runs haven't happened yet and might not before Tuesday... But I am ok with that.  As the next week of weight watchers begins, I will make sure to post my new goals and keep rocking it out... 

BYE BYE FUNK!

Anchor Photos

Today didn't go as well with my eating as I had hoped... Leaving my lunch on the counter did not help... Nor did the three cookies I ate... BUT I tracked it all and tomorrow will be a better day.

I DID order new running shoes.  I am trying to be super positive and stay ready to kick butt!!  This week at Weight Watchers we talked about anchors.  I am posting some photos here, mostly for myself, but to anchor me... I don't ever want to feel as "gross" as I did in those photos... I don't ever want to be as self conscious as I was in those photos...  I can continue on this journey... And no matter where I am TODAY... I am farther than I was when I started and I WILL keep going...

So, here are my anchor photos... They will keep me grounded...

ME THEN...

ME NOW... NOT DONE BUT ON MY WAY! 

Funk Update

I am rising from the funk... Ha.  That sounds kind of funny.  But I really am working hard to be positive.  This yucky cold weather makes it more difficult, but I shall prevail.

So, let's update on some of the goals that were made for the week!

Here are goals for this week...
1) Buy new running shoes. Not completed yet.
2) Buy new workout clothes (2 shirts, 1 pants) Not completed yet.
3) Fold all the clothes in my room on the floor. Not completed yet.
4) Clean up the study. Not completed yet.
5) Write on thing that I like about myself every day on a list.
    TUESDAY- My hair.  I like my hair.  It's long and shiny.  It feels nice to play with.  And it looks good on most days.
    WEDNESDAY- My passion.  I love that I am passionate about things.  Sometimes to a fault.  But I love that I care so much.  It makes life better (and harder sometimes).  I feel very fulfilled by the things I do because of this.
6) Run two times. Work out with Courtney once. And be ok with three times this week! Not completed yet BUT STARTED... One workout with Courtney DONE!  Another one on Sunday!  That's going to be TWO!

And although I didn't make any food goals this week, here is what is on today's menu:

• Breakfast-- Chobani Flip (6 points), Blueberries and Raspeberries (0 points), Coffee (1 point) 
• Lunch-- Soup (10 points), Salad (1 point), Chobani Bite (3 points) 
• Dinner-- Brown Rice and Veggies (5 points) 

I am really trying friends... I will MAKE this happen... NO more Funk (right, Court?)

 

Also, stay tuned for updates on some big life changes... 

Funk

Today I am in a funk.  I didn't get a job for next year that I really wanted.  And I am feeling funk-ish about it.  In addition, I am feeling bummed about the state of things... my house, my weight, my attitude...

Perhaps it's just that time of year... but I am in a funk... SO... instead of whining about it (which is what I am currently doing)... I think I will make some plans...

I am going to make some plans for THIS week.  One step at a time.  Seriously... Not long term... not pounds lost before this summer... but THIS week.  And that aren't all weight plans... They are just going to get me out of this funk...

Here are goals for this week...
1) Buy new running shoes.
2) Buy new workout clothes (2 shirts, 1 pants)
3) Fold all the clothes in my room on the floor.
4) Clean up the study.
5) Write on thing that I like about myself every day on a list.
6) Run two times. Work out with Courtney once. And be ok with three times this week!

That's it.  That's what I am going to do.  Focus on those things.  And try and be positive.  Sometimes in life we get in funks.  I guess it's all about how you pick yourself and choose to face those that make you who you are... I will wallow about the job for a little bit longer.  And then I will buck up, face life head on (cheesy I know), and make some changes.  It can be done.  I know it.

No More Sucking In

Hello all!

Last time we spoke I was on a good path... a path of success and loss... While I am still bound and determined to be in the 160s before summer, there have been some minor setbacks.  I am on track for my Couch To 5k (C25K).  A couple days behind, but more or less on track.  I have been working out at least 5 days a week.  And I have been eating gluten free.

But, I have not been losing.  I have not been tracking.  And I have not been making good choices.  I am currently on a two-week physical therapy stint in Rochester, MN.  All is well!  I am perfectly fine.  We are just fixing some things that should have been fixed long ago.  It is difficult to make awesome choices when you are living a hotel.  It is difficult to make awesome choices when you end the day exhausted.  I feel like I give a thousand excuses why I can eat whatever I want.  But, clearly, I am not going to lose that way.

Yesterday my physical therapist told me some distressing news.  I am not longer allowed to suck in.  EVER.  It's adding to the stress on my body.  When I got home from the appointment I looked in the mirror at my gut hanging out... Feel slightly depressed and frustrated I had the realization that I need to have that be part of this long-term health goal.  To get to point where I feel like I can stand normally and not need to suck in.  Tonight is my night off from the gym.  Tomorrow is more zumba and running.  Friday is Body Pump.  Saturday and Sunday running. :-)  I am SO on it!

This WILL happen.  Here's to two weeks of living in a hotel and making good (not amazing, but not bad) choices!

Happy Wednesday! :-)

A New, Longer Post Coming Soon

I haven't forgotten to post this week... Between a fundraiser, report cards, and my three year anniversary, life has gotten in the way.  I will post a longer thought-provoking post... but until then.. something to smile about...

Last week's loss: 1.6 pounds
This week's loss: 2.0 pounds

I have 4.3 left to lose by March 29 for Dietbet... and 8 to lost before I am back in the 160s... :-)  I can do it!  I can do it!  I can do it!

The Girl in the Mirror

When I was little I had a CD with my name on the front and all the songs had MY name in them. You know, one of those personalized CDs where the name is slightly robotic, but is oh-so-exciting for a kid.  I remember LOVING the tape as a kid.  And for Christmas this year my mother gave me the CD version.  It was a lovely surprise.

This morning, I actually spent some time googling the lyrics to the song and while on my quest for lyrics discovered that there are a lot of other people in this world who were deeply affected by the music and were trying to find the tapes to have as a childhood memory (or to buy for their kids). :-)

I digress.  On the CD there is a song called "Girl in the Mirror".  Below are the lyrics to the song...

"Who's that girl in the mirror?  Who's that girl?
Who's that happy, smiling EMILY, who's that girl?
(cheesy kid lyrics about growing up to be like a family member)
Look at your eyes, look at your ears, sit around for a while,
The person staring back at you is sure to make you smile.
When you let your mind discover, when you let your thoughts run free,
You can be whoever you decide to be.
(chorus)
When you look into the mirror, who do you see?
All the endless possibilities you can be.
(more cheesy ideas of who I could be)

Who's that girl in the mirror?  Who's that girl?
Who's that happy, smiling EMILY, who's that girl?
Who's that girl in the mirror, tell me who!
It's that happy, smiling EMILY.
Why, it's YOU!"

When I was little that song held a completely different meaning that it does for me now.  Would I be a vet, broadway star, lawyer, teacher, waitress... And while I am still struggling on that same journey (does anyone ever REALLY know what they want to be when they grow up), this song now means something completely different.

The thought came to me as I was running at the Maplewood Community Center yesterday.  As you run around the track, you pass a series of mirrors.  I used to hate running by the mirrors because when I looked into them all I could see were my imperfections, the pieces of my body that I hate, and the slow, out of shape runner.  Yesterday, as I rounded the corner, all of a sudden it hit me.  Through Paralyzer, which was blasting into my ears, all of a sudden all I could hear was this song from my childhood.  And I couldn't help but smile.  I mean, after all, the song states, the happy, smiling EMILY!

Through the pain, the exhaustion, and the extreme hate for exercising (and running!) I felt invigorated.  When you look into the mirror, who do you see?  All the endless possibilities you can be.  And as I continued to run I thought about the 213 pound EMILY, who would never have dreamed of the possibility that I would ever be in size 8-10 pants again.  And I thought about the 180 pound EMILY (that's me now, in case that was unclear), who is working her butt off to get to where she wants to be and the possibilities of what could be.  From that moment on, every time I passed the mirror I stared into it and thought of who could eventually be staring back.  This thought kept me running.  This thought kept me going.  This thought is still rattling around in my head today.  All the endless possibilities you can be... 

So today, I will eat, exercise and live with that thought in my mind.  And truthfully, whatever the possibility, whoever I choose to be, whatever my goal, where ever I am on the journey, I need to try and never forget one of the most important lines of the song... Who's that girl in the mirror, tell me who!  It's that happy, smiling EMILY.  Why, it's YOU...

In the next couple days, I hope that as you look in the mirror this song and sentiment will cross your mind... and that whoever you see will be smiling back at you.  I know mine will be.

Back On Track

Good Morning My Bloggin' Friends!

I am proud to say that I am feeling like I am getting back on track.  And I am more than proud of myself for my accomplishments this past week... Here is what I have to celebrate about...

1) 1.5 pounds lost!
2) Working out 6 days... YES 6 days out of 7 last week!!!  And as Peg pointed out, I am not just lightly working out, I am kicking my own butt during workouts!
3) I completed C25K Week 1 and did Week 2 Day 1 with SOME ease (although I thought I was going to die when I finished).
4) I found some new delicious gluten-free food.

So, I am proud to say that I weighed in at 180.6.  While I am still not amused to be SO above 160, I am PROUD that I am going in the right directions.  And I and 1/7 the way to being a winner for the DietBet.

This is it... The time is now... AND I have all my workouts planned this week.  6 out of 7 again!  Who knew I would become a working out machine?!?! Certainly not me.

Before I leave for Europe I will be as close to 150 as possible.  I know I can do it!!

And before I sign off for the day... a special shout out to Chloe, who I know will make me continue to blog.  Your energy seriously helps me keep going. :-)

Happy Wednesday all!

Remember the time...

Remember the time that I was in my 150s and it was amazing... and then remember the time that I gained 25 pounds back and was at 180 again?!?!?!?!?! Oh right... that is right now.

A wise person pointed out to me tonight that I haven't blogged in a long time.  And she is totally correct.  I am embarrassed of where I am.  I am embarrassed of how much I have fallen off the wagon... And I am embarrassed that my clothes don't fit.  I have been eating like crap and sitting on my butt and it shows in my body...

So wah wah wah wah... There goes my complaining and now I am done... Because it does me NO good to whine... It does me no good to wallow.  And luckily, since Wednesday, I really started to DO SOMETHING about it...

There are a couple of steps I am taking to ensure that I get back on track... 

Here is the SPRING WEIGHT LOSS PLAN:

1. Start blogging again.  It really does help me. 
2. Run a 5k.  I have four 5ks in my calendar.  I WILL be running in all four of them!  Thanks to a very dear friend of mine who is training with me... She got this lazy girl off of her butt.  We are doing the Couch to 5k (C25K) training plan)
3. Meet with Courtney AT LEAST once a week.  We have training sessions and other classes planned that I WILL go to and WILL work my hardest in! 
4. Be BETTER with my eating.  I didn't say be perfect or be amazing... but I do want to be better.  Especially because recently I learned I have to go gluten free.  I am re-learning how to eat and I want to be aware of how much I am eating and the points (not just gluten or not). 
5. Get back on track NO MATTER WHAT.  There are times that I will fall off.  It happens.  But what I need to be better at is getting BACK ON TRACK!  Not just saying, "Oh f* it." 
6. Participate in the PriorFatGirl Dietbet.  By March 30, I need to have lost 7.34 pounds.  It's part of a large online diet bet.  We all pooled money and if you win you and whoever else achieves their goal splits the money.  The pot is $7,820.  There are over 700 of us in on the bet.  I WILL be one of the people that achieves my goal!

 In the spirit of being open and honest (no matter how embarrassed I am)... I am going to post my weigh-ins each week... Because I want more than anything to be at my goal weigh of 145 and even more attainable is just to be back in the 160s.  Therefore I will post my weigh-ins and weekly workout and food plans here to help keep me accountable.

This past week: 

Tuesday- C25K Week 1, Workout 1 AND personal training
Wednesday- no workout
Thursday-  C25K Week 1, Workout 2
Friday- Body Pump Class
Saturday- Dance Class
Tomorrow-  C25K Week 1, Workout 3

Next week: 
Monday- C25K Week 2, Workout 1
Tuesday- Momentum Class
Wednesday- C25K Week 2, Workout 2
Thursday- Off
Friday- Body Pump Class
Saturday- Dance Class
Sunday- C25K Week 2, Workout 3

I can do this... I can do this... I can do this...

So, be aware... the next post I post will state "remember the time I got back on the wagon and kicked serious rear.. oh wait, that is now!"

Wish me luck.  (and send me facebook, email, text messages if I don't write a new blog entry).

It's time to go from this:

Back to this:

Happy New Years!

It's 2013!  And 2012, while a great year, was not a good year for Weight Watchers and me.  I didn't lose, I am actually up from this time last year.

So, I have decided that 2013 is going to be the year!!!  And I have a couple of goals for the year.  Now, I bet you are reading and thinking that I say that I have goals a lot and don't follow through, but this year it is ON! :-)  I will make it happen!  I will get as close to lifetime as possible!  I am 180 at the moment and I need to get to 145.

In order to do that, here are my goals...

1. Run at least 3 5K races. 
2. Get below 160 pounds. 
3. Stay on track this summer when I am in New York. 
4. Start working out with Courtney again! 
5. Go back to Zumba class. 
6. Be able to do an entire Skyrobics class without feeling like I want to vomit. 
7. Eat a lot less carbohydrates! 
8. Blog at least once a week.

Today was my first day back on the wagon.  I started by making a crock pot meal that is going to last the week.  It is a DELICIOUS beef fajita recipe that I put on top of salad.   I am convinced that cooking for myself, making interesting recipes, and relying on my friends support will help get me through this.  And obviously working out will help, too! :-)

SoI am ready!  I can do this!  THINAWI IS BACK!!  AND SHE IS READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS BUTT!!!