Wednesday, April 25, 2012

This is probably just going to sound like whining

It has been over a month since I last posted.  I kept telling myself it had nothing to do with how I am feeling as a Weight Watcher and more that I was too busy to post.  I have come to figure out that I don't think that is true.  I SHOULD be going to bed now, but I am taking the time to write a post.  I am making the time because tonight I am trying to re-take control of my eating, my health habits, and how I feel about myself.  

A year ago Sunday I hit 50 pounds lost.  It was an incredible feeling.  I was so proud of myself.  I could hardly believe that over 1/4 of my body fat was GONE!

A year later here I am.  Wavering between 45-55 pounds lost.  Don't get me wrong, I am proud of how far I have come.  I know that I have changed my life for the better.  And I also know that it means that I have essentially maintained for a year.  However, I DON'T WANT TO MAINTAIN IN THE 160s!!!!  I want so badly to hit the 150s and stay there.  I want to get myself back in the pattern of super healthy eating and working out.  I want to feel the awesome aura of working out, gaining muscle, and being able to eat a reasonable amount of healthy food and feel full. 

I am currently living in a world where junk food is acceptable.  I ate 5 brownies, 24 milk duds, and 2 cookies today.  It pains me to admit that.  It makes me feel embarrassed and ashamed and sad that I went against the logical side of my brain SCREAMING, "NO NO NO!!!!"  But that's not how it went down.  Instead I ate whatever I wanted to.  

This past week was my birthday week and I got it in my head that meant I could eat anything.  I slipped back into REALLY bad habits.  Like sneaking McDonald's and not telling anyone.  I feel huge.  I feel depressed.  I feel defeated.  I feel frustrated. 

You are probably reading this and thinking, "Emily, get off your a$$ and do something about it!"  As I wrote for the heading of this post, I KNOW that I sound like I am whining.  I should be able to get my butt off the couch and make changes.  I KNOW what I need to do!  I KNOW I need to workout, plan, and eat better.  I KNOW all these things.  However, staying on plan is not as easy as it sound.   

I started off the day in a super positive frame mind.  I planned to eat well!  I planned it all out.  I knew what I was eating and I wasn't supposed to use any flex points at all.  And instead I used 48 of my WEEKLY 49 flex points which don't renew until NEXT Tuesday.  Like I said, I KNOW what I need to do, but clearly I am not doing it. 

So, yup, I am whining and feeling depressed.  

With that said... I am also taking steps to make things better for myself, to get into better habits.  For example, I am: 
  • Walking around the lake near school every day that it is nice and I don't have something right at 5 
  • Talking to a new personal trainer to get me back on track 
  • Making zumba a priority again 
  • Starting C25K again 
  • Writing in my blog (it does help me) 
  • Texting my friends to help me stay on 
  • Drinking at least 6 glasses of water a day 
  • Cutting out soda again 
  • Eating salad for lunch tomorrow (and I made it already!) 
  • Asking for help!  
Tomorrow is a new day and I am going to try and put a positive spin on it.  And I think this week I am going to think about coming up with goals to hit before I leave for NYC in June! 

I KNOW I can do this!  I KNOW I will hit goal!  I KNOW I can be healthy.  I just need to motivate myself again and I need to try and remind myself how far I have come and how worth it this journey is. 

Glad to be back.  Happy ALMOST Friday! :-) 

And because pictures of what I look like are always a good reminder for me, below are 2 pics I took a week or so ago! They do help remind me of how far I have come...