A year ago Sunday I hit 50 pounds lost. It was an incredible feeling. I was so proud of myself. I could hardly believe that over 1/4 of my body fat was GONE!
A year later here I am. Wavering between 45-55 pounds lost. Don't get me wrong, I am proud of how far I have come. I know that I have changed my life for the better. And I also know that it means that I have essentially maintained for a year. However, I DON'T WANT TO MAINTAIN IN THE 160s!!!! I want so badly to hit the 150s and stay there. I want to get myself back in the pattern of super healthy eating and working out. I want to feel the awesome aura of working out, gaining muscle, and being able to eat a reasonable amount of healthy food and feel full.
I am currently living in a world where junk food is acceptable. I ate 5 brownies, 24 milk duds, and 2 cookies today. It pains me to admit that. It makes me feel embarrassed and ashamed and sad that I went against the logical side of my brain SCREAMING, "NO NO NO!!!!" But that's not how it went down. Instead I ate whatever I wanted to.
This past week was my birthday week and I got it in my head that meant I could eat anything. I slipped back into REALLY bad habits. Like sneaking McDonald's and not telling anyone. I feel huge. I feel depressed. I feel defeated. I feel frustrated.
You are probably reading this and thinking, "Emily, get off your a$$ and do something about it!" As I wrote for the heading of this post, I KNOW that I sound like I am whining. I should be able to get my butt off the couch and make changes. I KNOW what I need to do! I KNOW I need to workout, plan, and eat better. I KNOW all these things. However, staying on plan is not as easy as it sound.
I started off the day in a super positive frame mind. I planned to eat well! I planned it all out. I knew what I was eating and I wasn't supposed to use any flex points at all. And instead I used 48 of my WEEKLY 49 flex points which don't renew until NEXT Tuesday. Like I said, I KNOW what I need to do, but clearly I am not doing it.
So, yup, I am whining and feeling depressed.
With that said... I am also taking steps to make things better for myself, to get into better habits. For example, I am:
- Walking around the lake near school every day that it is nice and I don't have something right at 5
- Talking to a new personal trainer to get me back on track
- Making zumba a priority again
- Starting C25K again
- Writing in my blog (it does help me)
- Texting my friends to help me stay on
- Drinking at least 6 glasses of water a day
- Cutting out soda again
- Eating salad for lunch tomorrow (and I made it already!)
- Asking for help!
Tomorrow is a new day and I am going to try and put a positive spin on it. And I think this week I am going to think about coming up with goals to hit before I leave for NYC in June!
I KNOW I can do this! I KNOW I will hit goal! I KNOW I can be healthy. I just need to motivate myself again and I need to try and remind myself how far I have come and how worth it this journey is.
Glad to be back. Happy ALMOST Friday! :-)
And because pictures of what I look like are always a good reminder for me, below are 2 pics I took a week or so ago! They do help remind me of how far I have come...