Wednesday, March 30, 2011
The night before my weigh-in, I had an awful night and ate a Big Mac meal at 11 pm. I was ASTONISHED that I still only gained .8. I was so embarrassed about it that I wasn't going to tell anyone. I was just going to hide the bag and lie to my friends.
But that is something that Fat Emily would do, and since I want to be a PRIOR fat girl, I am sharing. I ate a Big Mac and fries late at night! And I will own that.
So, I am leaving you with a post from PriorFatGirl. It was a great post. And it sums up how I feel. PriorFatGirl Post I liked
I can't wait until I can go back to WW meetings... I continue to leave some love to Meg, Serina, Caitlin, Christy, Wagers, JD... and all those who are there for me on a daily basis.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Tomorrow is weigh in day and I am feeling very stressed out about it. I am not at all ready to have gained back the 2 pounds that I continue to lose and gain and lose and gain.
I have literally been between 168 and 170.6 for the last 2 months... blarg. I am feeling stuck in a rut and FRUSTRATED.
The next three weeks are going to be super crazy busy and awful. I need to find time to run and I need to keep eating right.
So, as motivation to myself, I am posting old pics. I had a heck of a time finding full body shots from back in the day. CLEARLY I didn't like taking them.
I am going to look at these and remind myself that I CAN do this. I just need to keep trucking.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
I am back. And unfortunately UP on my scale. Boo... so that makes me not so excited about Tuesday. However, I just got an email from an old friend who needs some inspiration and help. I am excited to have another person in my life to help keep me accountable and to also be able to help inspire others.
To my new WW friend! I am proud of you for taking the step in your life to make the changes you need to. :-)
And for me, it's back to being on board all the time.
Friday, March 25, 2011
I posted my breakfast
We had a big snack of fruit and pretzels
Early dinner from Rainforest Cafe-- Tuscan Chicken, only 14 points plus!
Fudge- (ok, not the greatest, but didn't push me over that much)
Breakfast-- Fruit, sausage, 2 eggs, cheese danish
Lunch-- Hard Rock Cafe burger, fries, and some cole slaw (already slightly over my points)
So, by after lunch yesterday I was over my points. But that is what flex points are for. Or so I thought. For dinner, JD and I went to a new restaurant. We decided to eat at this Japanese Steak House. I thought it would be the healthier choice. WRONG!
EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING was cooked in garlic butter. Huge balls of it. HUGE balls. It was delicious. VERY delicious. But by the end of the meal, I couldn't finish everything.
We started with soup and salad (no butter there).
Then vegetables (butter there!)
Noodles (butter there!)
Lobster (TONS of butter there!)
This is where I was full.
Fried Rice (more butter)
Steak (TONS of butter there!)
I took pictures to post later. However, I am pretty sure that was the rest of my flex points for the week. Between that meal and the Butterbeer at Wonderful Wizarding World of Harry Potter, GONE GONE GONE.
But, that's ok. I think... if I am correct in my calculations... it's almost 14 extra points a day from all the walking we are doing that I am not using. So perhaps I won't tip the scale too much in the upwards direction.
Sadly, this is our last day. My legs are DYING though, so they won't be sad to head home and relax. But, I am having the greatest time! :-)
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Here is what I ate today:
1 small box of frootloops
1 small pepperoni pizza
1 container of fruit
1 burger with cheese
A couple fries
2 Turkey Sticks
That's it for today.
I am hoping for a bit better of a day... however, this wasn't THAT bad. It could have been a lot worse. Old Emily would have eaten a lot worse.
One week from today I will be weighing in. Let's hope it goes well. However, this trip is EXCELLENT SO FAR!!
|Looking good in a dress! I feel awesome!|
Well, last well was by far the worst week I've had in the last year. From Mcdonalds to Mexican, I ate like crap. And it was hard because I would look at Serina's blog and think that I could have and should have been doing more.
And now I an in Disney and you can imagine the options. Here was yesterday...
4 am breakfast- granola, yogurt, and fruit.
9 am snack in airport- popcorn (caramel)
Late lunch 4pmish- pizza and twizzlers
Park snack- pretzles
Dinner too late to be eating- burger and chips
Not too bad, but not great.
Today I had a small serving of eggs and fruit. Then I got on the treadmill and ran a mile!
Now we are off to Hollywood Studios. It will be a great day!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
As I told my friend Nick, while I am eating the crap food, I think, "This is great!" but ten minutes later I feel awful.
I haven't worked out. I am feeling big. And I am feeling whiny.
So, I thought as a reminder of how far I have come, I would post a picture from a year ago and from today. My hope is that I can look and see how far I have come.
I have been trying very hard not to get sick and so have been forgoing the morning workouts to sleep. After only 4 days of not working out, it's hard to get the motivation back. Even this morning, I thought I was going to wake up and work out. However, I was/am so worried about getting sick before my big performance tomorrow night, that I just slept. I think this is good for my body since I wasn't feeling well earlier in the week and I think it is rebelling against me.
HOWEVER, not working out and eating like crap the last two days has left my body feeling awful. Here are my observations that have been a good wake up for me:
- I don't need as much food as I used to
- I feel YUCKY when I eat too much
- I can't help eat food when it is in front of me
- If I can focus on something else I won't eat it
- Carbs are a DOWNFALL
- I CAN be good when I got to Florida
- If I stop working out, there is a risk that I won't start again, and that CAN'T happen!!
I know I am not the only person who has thought:
- Maybe I am just meant to be this size
- It's my bones
- Isn't this far good enough?
- If I keep this as my goal, then I won't be disappointed when I don't make it
- Skinny people are just lucky
This time last year I gave into all these feelings. And from April-August I didn't track at all. I was LUCKY because I only gained 2 pounds in that whole time. This Spring and Summer I won't be so lucky. I don't have the luxury to just stop doing weight watchers. If I do, I may gain all that I have lost. I need to keep working as hard as I can. Working out. Eating right. And finding the people, objects, and pictures that ground me during this journey and keep me going.
As these hard, busy, crazy, fun, and eating-out-more weeks happen, I need to keep my goal in mind. I need people around me to remind me that they believe in me.
Yesterday, a co-worker came up to me and said, "Emily, I am putting together pictures for Achieve's 15th anniversary slide show and I truly did not recognize a picture of you from last year. I had to look at the name to figure out who it was."
These are the moments I need to hang on to. These are the moments I need to remember. Is everyday going to be amazing? No. I am human. I can't think that it will be. Or give up if I trip. Or give in to the fat girl inside.
As I head off for the coming weeks, I would love people's ideas about how to make sure I am sticking on track.
Also, if you feel so inclined, let me know what you would like me to write about, anything you would like my thoughts or ideas on!! :-)
Happy Spring Break!!!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
I hope I don't get the f* it attitude.
Monday, March 14, 2011
I will say that I had my one year anniversary dinner tonight and it was worth EVERY point of the food I ate. EVERY point. Seriously. We had a great date. I am glad to have had this year with him. Tonight was a celebration of that one year. And I am totally ok with that.
Just for fun, below is the bracelet he gave me as a present. I LOVE it. It is SO Emily. :-)
|Anniversary bracelet from JD. :-) He picked each piece out from Jareds!|
Saturday, March 12, 2011
So I am at a conference and have little choice about what I eat. But truthfully I haven't been all that great. I tried to save flex points but that also didn't go so great.
What did go great was my promise to myself that I would workout! And not only did I work out, but I ran 2 miles in 21 minutes.
I'm getting pumped to be able to run outside.
So, eating will better tomorrow and regardless, I'm feeling awesome about the workout. That's 3 times since my weigh in. You tell me how bad I want it.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Quick side note that does impact the rest of my morning at the gym story...
People have been writing recently, more people than I would have ever expected (Tarah! Mallory!) and saying how much they appreciate my blog. I am not joking when I say this, having people comment on my facebook, blog, email me, text me, whatever, is one of the big things that keeps me going. I know how much PriorFatGirl helps me, so I truly feel honored when people tell me I inspire them. Knowing that people are reading for inspiration helps me feel comfortable sharing about the days that are hard.
Well, this next part is something that I not all too thrilled about, but I will share the good and the bad with you. Two days ago I went to Target with JD to buy freeze dried fruit, it's my new obsession. I bought a ton, but while we were there I also bought Petit Ecolier. Superman has his kryptonite, I have Petit Ecolier. I CAN'T eat just one, or two, or three... In 2 days, I went through the whole box. Now, here's the interesting thing about this. Sometime I eat because I feel gross. I feel fat and down about the weight loss and so I eat to feel better. But running has made me feel a rejuvenated. I am feeling more than ever that I am going to hit my 50 pound mark soon! So, it wasn't out of depression or sadness that I ate the cookies, but because they tasted damn good. I mean d-a-m-n good. :-)
Back to this morning...
I could have been mopey and depressed that I have made some poor choices in the last couple days. I could have whined about them in the blog... pity me because I have no willpower. And some days you know that I will do that. But today I felt different. I decided last night that no matter how tired I felt this morning, no matter how much I wanted to say NO, I was going to run.
2.26 miles. 31 minutes. 300 calories. 3.8-5.0 mph.
AND A WHOLE LOT OF SWEATING!
However, I am conquering my fear that I am too fat too exercise. That was my excuse. My reason to not to be my best. I may be exhausted later today, but my day started with a BANG and I love it. I am feeling super confident about myself and my abilities. I WILL reach goal.
That's all I have for you today. I plan to write about the elderly folk that I see at the gym. I am betting it will be a good entry. So, keep on reading. And keep on commenting. And tell me if there is anything else that you want me to write about. Seriously.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
The entire workout I kept thinking about what I wanted to blog. This makes the jogging less painful. I think of all the words of "wisdom" I want to impart on the electronic world and it makes the 20 minutes seem much shorter.
This morning's entry was supposed to be about how exciting it is that I am up to jogging 12 minute miles. 5.0 on the machine to be exact. I KNOW that Serina, Meg, and I will be rocking out with another 5k soon. There was also supposed to be a good portion of motivational excitement since I just facebooked my old personal trainer and felt awesome having her read my blog. As she wrote on my facebook, it was PAINFUL trying to get me to run a mile... think how in shape I would be if I had her here in MN.
Those thoughts WERE supposed to be this entry... However, let me share with you what happened after my workout this morning.
I am super organized when it comes to my work. I am anal about color coding and keeping things organized. In my own personal life, wellllll.... not so much. Last night, after finishing my paper I got all ready for today so I could get up and head straight to the gym. I packed my lunch and school bag. Then I set out my workout clothes and in my gym bag packed shampoo, conditioner, hair spray, deodorant, my outfit for today, and an extra shirt just in case I didn't like the first one I had picked out (which I didn't this morning so it's a good thing I packed an extra). Perhaps if you are a critical thinking minded person you might already see the GLARING item that I should have packed but forgot.
It's actually a pretty amazing mental image that follows. I am super pumped from the run, so I head downstairs to take a shower. I grab the shampoo and conditioner and head to the shower stall. I already knew there would be soap in the dispenser on the wall when I got there so I wasn't worried. As I was walking to the shower, I began taking my socks off. I realized that I had forgotten shower shoes... yuck. I am a little bit of a germaphobe sometimes, and I couldn't stop thinking about all the different people's foot fungi that would be touching my feet. But, with a sigh, I got into the shower. I am in the process of conditioning my hair when it dawns on me that I don't have a towel with me.
(Now, if my boyfriend JD reads this, it will probably make him roll his eyes, because on a fairly regular basis I get into the shower without having my towel in the bathroom... so he could have seen this coming.)
So there I am, conditioner in my hair with no towel. My brain started to go into overdrive. There were many options that I could go with, but which one would be the least mortifying for me. A) I could run to the locker with no clothes and hope that no one was there. B) I could put my sweaty clothes back on, but that seemed really gross. C) Or I could spin in circles and hope that I would dry that way.
I went with plan C. I counted to 3 (yes, out loud), grabbed my clothes, and half-running, half-scampering went to my locker. And of course, in true my-life-is-dramatic fashion, as I am running to my locker with NO clothes on, 3 older ladies walk into the locker room and give me a look. Not a mean look. Or a judging look. But a WTF are you doing look. I am sure my eyes looked fairly shifty and I was feeling stressed, so I know that came across on my face. I felt MORTIFIED. I couldn't believe I was standing there, with no clothing on, dripping wet, staring at three grey haired ladies.
Well, to end this story... I said excuse me, passed them in my birthday suit, and set down my clothes. I ended up getting paper towels and one-at-a-time drying myself off.
I am SURE those three ladies had a good laugh at my expense after they left to go work out. And I learned two valuable lessons today.
1) A year ago, had that happened, I would have cried that someone had seen my body in full form. It is something that I have always been self-conscience about. But today, I was embarrassed, then amused, and then proud that I even felt confident enough to scurry around the locker room.
2) Always bring a towel.
Was this story about weigh-loss specifically? No. Was it an amusing anecdotal story about something that happened to me? Yes.
I hope that in the hardest of times, the days when you are feeling down the most, you also remember that there is humor in this world. :-)
|Feeling Confident in my workout clothes|
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
I am DETERMINED this week, even with my conference in Houston, that I will make good choices. So, 7 more of my flex points gone, however, it's ok...
Running tomorrow morning will happen.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
There is a story in my family, more like a legend to my dad, about a time when I was 6. We were at the beach and I found this huge ass rock that I thought was a fossil. I told my dad that I REALLY wanted the rock. He told me that in order to keep it, I had to carry it. I clearly don't remember this moment in the way that my dad does, but when he retells the story, it is clear that the walk to the car was painful. I cried and pouted and cried some more. I begged my dad to carry the rock for me. I am sure I used my cute puppy dog eyes to try and plead my case. It was no good. No matter how hard I begged, he still said no. I could have given up but gosh darn it, I was going to get that damn rock to the car because it was a fossil. Well, as most good stories do, this particular event ended well and that rock is still with my dad today. He takes it with him to every house he lives in as a reminder that Tinawi's can do anything and that they never give up.
As many of my dearest friends know, sometimes this stubbornness can be a pain. But, often, when I set my mind to do something I DO it. Someone used to call me, "Doesn't do anything in moderation Emily". Go big or go home baby. I really do believe that.
Tonight, feeling kinda yucky from the tons of extra food I consumed, I decided that I was going to run on the treadmill. Yes, I know I shared that with you. And I really had planned on just writing an "Update" to my last post. But then, something happened. In truly Emily fashion, and being cranky and stressed with school (as well as bloated and crampy), I decided that I wanted to run 30 minutes.
There were several points throughout those 30 minutes that I wanted to quit. That I wanted to either throw in the hat, throw up, die, or all of the above. However, I thought of my kids, who just today I told that in order to achieve our dreams we HAVE to work harder than we thought possible. And I thought of my dad and the rock. And not wanting to lose to myself, I pushed through my self-challenge. And 30 minutes and 2.4 miles later, I stopped the treadmill, did some stretches, and feeling flippin awesome.
Will I be able to jog 30 minutes every time? Probably not. Will I continue to work up to 30 minute jogs? Hell yes. At some point will I surpass my 30 minutes? At one point, a point not all that long ago, I would have said no... however, this week, pushes from some friends, and rock-like determination has shown me that indeed I can.
I wish I could leave you will some a**-kicking words so that you could leave this message feeling empowered... but, in the hopes that the rock and my night will speak for itself, I bid you goodnight. With a smile and pride I sign out for the evening.
The last two weeks I have gained weight and this week I am just NOT interested!!!! I have been working SO hard and have worked out ALREADY 4 times this week. This is one of the most stressful weeks EVER and I have still managed to make time to work out. I am really trying this no excuses.
The problem arose today with POPPYCOCK popcorn! DO NOT EAT!! DO NOT EAT!! For 1/2 a cup, which is like 5 pieces of popcorn, it is 5 points. I ate 10 points thinking I was eating like 3. But not true.... 10 points! YUCK. It totally blew my eating plan today. And then, since I had already gone over, I ate more at dinner and 5 twizzlers after. This is not a good mentality to have. The f* it, I have already screwed it up... so when I realized that's what I was feeling, I decided to pop gum into my mouth. I also plan to jog for another 20 minutes again. So, way to go me on making an immediate change. I CAN do this. I WILL make goal. This week I WILL go down!
And regardless of my weigh in this week... I should feel proud to have jogged 4 times, each for 20 minutes, in one week! That is FOR SURE a E.Tinawi record! :-)
Friday, March 4, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
I blogged early today about my choices of food today. While I went over my points, I stuck with my plan to have salad for dinner. And after I was good with the food, I jogged for 15 minutes after some rocking inspiration.
Keeping with the butt-kicking plan, my meals for tomorrow are all planned.
Carnation Breakfast Shake (4 points)
Watermelon (0 points)
Coffee (0 points)
Iced Tea (0 points)
Salad (0 points)
Tuna Salad (4 points)-- Complete with capers, black olives, and other deliciousness.
Light and Fit Vanilla Yogurt (2 points)
Weight Watchers Honey Dijon Pretzels (3 points)
Water (0 points)
Iced Tea (0 points)
Chipotle Chicken Burrito Bowl (15 points)
-1/4 amount of sour cream
-LETTUCE (as much as will completely fill the bowl!!)
So, that's my day! :-) And for your viewing pleasure I am including below the picture of my delicious salad with tuna and veggies, and my lunch spread for tomorrow.
|Delicious 4 point salad. |
Lettuce, baby corn, olives, tomatoes, chives, capers, and tuna salad.
|Food. Already prepared for tomorrow.|
Before I share my exciting news, I need to back track. If you never have been to a Weight Watchers meeting it is hard to understand the power, impact, and inspiration you can get from them. It's like summer camp or study abroad. It's not something you can really explain. I know that many of my friends don't understand why I text someone I barely know, but my weight watchers friends are honestly the people that get me through the week. They are the ones I can text when I am feeling guilty about eating or need help NOT eating something.
Many of you don't know my friend Serina. She is one of the most beautiful human beings both inside and out. In less than a year, she has become one of the most important people in my life and in this journey.
This evening I was writing a paper for Hamline, totally resigned that I would not get to work out. Then I decided it was important to read Serina's blog. I saw her entry about running a mile. And like that, I felt a surge of determination rush through me and I knew I had to go to the gym!! So, off I went...
|ONE MILE!!!! I JOGGED ONE MILE!!!! :-)|
|I WAS STILL JOGGING AT A MILE AND A HALF!!!!|
|I burned a total of almost 230 calories.|
|My total distance when I was done!!|