EEESSSSHHHH

Well,  I have fallen off the wagon again.  BADLY.  And I am not even running to catch up with it this time.  I am watching it drive away.

I could tell you the sob story about miscalculating my points on Friday night and then how that made me super stressed out and then I felt frustrated so I said screw it yesterday and today.  And it would be a sob story and an excuse.  I could say all those things and feel guilty and bad, however, what good will that do me? 

I know that I have fallen off at the moment.  I know that if I were to get on the scale today I wouldn't be happy.  I know these things.  So, I had two choices today.  I could feel bad and guilty, or I could know that I have fallen off and try my best to get back on tomorrow and this week. 

At this moment there are a lot of stress factors in my life.  A couple personal things that I am not at liberty to discuss on the blog yet, this school year coming to an end, my summer job gearing up, my commitment to to Teach For America coming to an end, lots of friends moving away and leaving my school, moving out of my apartment, packing for Chicago for the summer, moving stuff into JD's apartment... the list could go on.  "Emily, why are you whining about all these things," you may be asking yourself.  Well, I made a decision.  I know that I have fallen off the wagon this week.  I know that if I get on the scale on Tuesday I will beat myself about it.  So, instead, I am not going to get on the scale this week.  I am going to go to my meeting.  Be with the people that I love and figure out ways to get back on track.  I am choosing to not weigh in for the first time.  And I am ok with that.

The next Tuesday will be my last weigh-in before I leave for the summer.  And I need to spend time figuring out a plan for the summer.

So, that is where I am now.  For better or for worse.  I need to get back on track, work out more, do more than just run, and figure out how to make good choices in the dining hall this summer.

More musings later... :-)