Friday, March 18, 2011

Conferences and Some Thoughts

Ha.  Well, you may have noticed the HUGE gap between Tuesday and today.  After my wonderful anniversary dinner, I have had a hard time getting back on the wagon.

I have been trying very hard not to get sick and so have been forgoing the morning workouts to sleep.  After only 4 days of not working out, it's hard to get the motivation back.  Even this morning, I thought I was going to wake up and work out.  However, I was/am so worried about getting sick before my big performance tomorrow night, that I just slept.  I think this is good for my body since I wasn't feeling well earlier in the week and I think it is rebelling against me.

HOWEVER, not working out and eating like crap the last two days has left my body feeling awful.  Here are my observations that have been a good wake up for me:

  • I don't need as much food as I used to 
  • I feel YUCKY when I eat too much 
  • I can't help eat food when it is in front of me 
  • If I can focus on something else I won't eat it 
  • Carbs are a DOWNFALL 
  • I CAN be good when I got to Florida 
  • If I stop working out, there is a risk that I won't start again, and that CAN'T happen!! 
I need to make sure that I continue the DOWNWARD motion in the scale.  I am in the 160s and I think that I need to keep getting lower in the 160s to see that it's possible.  I am at 45.6 pounds lost and I feel like 50 is dangling in front of my face.  Laughing at me.  Instead of being motivating, it's almost frustrating and overwhelming.

I know I am not the only person who has thought:

  • Maybe I am just meant to be this size
  • It's my bones
  • Isn't this far good enough? 
  • If I keep this as my goal, then I won't be disappointed when I don't make it 
  • Skinny people are just lucky
Yes, depressing I know.  But I have to own those thoughts if I am going to move past them.

This time last year I gave into all these feelings.  And from April-August I didn't track at all.  I was LUCKY because I only gained 2 pounds in that whole time.  This Spring and Summer I won't be so lucky.  I don't have the luxury to just stop doing weight watchers.  If I do, I may gain all that I have lost.  I need to keep working as hard as I can.  Working out.  Eating right.  And finding the people, objects, and pictures that ground me during this journey and keep me going.

As these hard, busy, crazy, fun, and eating-out-more weeks happen, I need to keep my goal in mind.  I need people around me to remind me that they believe in me.

Yesterday, a co-worker came up to me and said, "Emily, I am putting together pictures for Achieve's 15th anniversary slide show and I truly did not recognize a picture of you from last year.  I had to look at the name to figure out who it was."

These are the moments I need to hang on to.  These are the moments I need to remember.  Is everyday going to be amazing?  No.  I am human.  I can't think that it will be.  Or give up if I trip.  Or give in to the fat girl inside.

As I head off for the coming weeks, I would love people's ideas about how to make sure I am sticking on track.

Also, if you feel so inclined, let me know what you would like me to write about, anything you would like my thoughts or ideas on!! :-)

Happy Spring Break!!!


  1. All I can offer is: When you have a bad food day, try to also make it a good workout day. Turn it around on itself. If you have time, go for a run, If you don't, do pushups and situps and hold the plank position for 60 seconds. Stressed? Go out for a walk while you unload to a friend on the phone. Every little bit counts!

    Oh, and you're doing great. It's a busy time of year, and it only gets busier. You look amazing and you should be proud of all you've accomplished.

  2. Hey Em,
    Three things that might help you out:
    1. When I need carbs I make sure I eat them in the morning, so I have all day to work them off.
    2. When I'm hungry I drink water instead, I've found that that works for staving off hunger.
    3. Check out this website called You can use it to keep track of your workouts and they have challenges that ou can do, it's quite fun.
    Btw, hope everything is well, I miss you guys!