Well, here I am. Sitting in front of the TV watching the Biggest Loser. Sometimes when I watch this show I really wish that I could be on the show. I want someone to be kicking my rear end. It's amazing hearing people talk about their journey, how they got to where they are, and where they want to go. Not a joke, I become a blubbering fool when I watch. And it keeps me motivated.
But I know that's not why you are reading. I am sure you are on the edge of your seat waiting to hear the results of my weigh in. Well, after last weeks tear-inducing, 2 pound gain (more than my 2 week cookie eating binge at Christmas), it was of the utmost importance to my life to lose this week. And although I am not back to my lowest, I did lose 1.6 pounds... and thank goodness for that. So, my goal for this week is to lose that much again and get into the 160s. I mean REALLY... the 160s!!!! I have not been there since my junior year of high school. So this week, it is GO time. I mean, can you imagine looking at the scale and seeing 160. Ok, you get it... I can't wait.
However, there does seem to be this little devil standing in my way every week. That Devil's name is WILLPOWER. Damn her. JD teases me that I have no willpower in life. Not with money, not with food, not with helping people, not with anything... Which, I have to agree with. Today was one of those times when I should have had better willpower, but when it comes time to make a decision, I honestly feel like I can't help it. I once attended an OA meeting. For those of you who don't know, that's overeaters anonymous. While this is something that I feel somewhat embarrassed about, it's almost weird to think back on that one-time event. I realize now that maybe I should have continued going to meetings. I don't think that I have an addiction to food, because in this department I have come a LONGGGG way. But perhaps I could have started this journey a bit earlier.
I figured out the other day, from September 2009-December 2009 I ate at least 39 points a morning FOR BREAKFAST!!!! And that was all my complete lack of willpower. And while I am getting better at saying NO to myself when I truly DO NOT need the extra food, it is really hard for me. When I am faced with decisions about impulse eating (on the spot food choices) I have proven that I can't always make the best choices. And after I have chosen, I feel yucky, and I wish I hadn't.
Today, is the perfect example. While I decided not to get the 17 point BK Chicken Sandwich (YAY Angel on one shoulder), I did ingest the ENTIRE rice krispie bar and regular pasta bowl from Noodles, a total of 33 points (BOO Devil called willpower or lack thereof). But trying to stay positive it was not the best, but better than had I also eaten the BK sandwich which the OLD Emily would have eaten. What was my deep, meaningful point here? Not sure, but lack of willpower was just something that was on my mind today.
So, here is to another week. Another week of watching the intake, making choices, and writing down EVERY BLT (bite, lick, or taste). Another week of getting up and moving. Making sure that I am getting at least 10,000 steps a day. And making sure to work out at least 3 times this week. I am going to approach this week with confidence, excitement, and the plan to kick some serious ass.