I didn't blog at all this week. I started to almost every day, but then something would happen. Mostly I think it's because I'm so embarrassed about my eating this week. I snuck food. I ate entire meals when I wasn't hungry. I embodied exactly what the fuck it attitude looks like. Pardon my french. But that's exactly how I felt. I felt guilty eating. And all my negative associations with food came rushing back. I haven't worked out today, even though I need to. I wasnt going to weigh in, but I need to. I need to weigh in and know. I need to be accountable for my choices. Just like I tell my kids. Luckily, there will be 2 people there to hold my hand. To make sure that I don't throw myself a pity party. This isn't a sprint. It's a marathon. I can't keep thinking that when I make it to goal everything will magically be better. Magically easier. It won't be.
So, I'm sitting in my car, dreading this weigh in. I can see weight watchers and I know what I have to do.
Although I may trip or stop for water or stop at McDonalds, I have decided that this marathon is worth it. I just need remind myself of that sometimes.
Deep breath. Here goes nothin'.