The other night when I went out to dinner with my friend Shelby. We talked about our goals and eating. We also talked about challenges. I started to tell her about my negative relationship with food, which I know I have mentioned on the blog before. I really struggle with this relationship.
Since our conversation I have really been thinking a lot about this negative relationship. Back in high school I had an eating disorder. It's not something that I talk about a whole lot. It's embarrassing. People make judgements about you. And also, it contributed to my current size. It was a part of my journey in life, and ultimately has also made me who I am today. However, I don't like to relive it because it was a hard time for me and when I look back on those photos I realize how unhealthy my choices were.
Now, I do not struggle with the eating disorder I had back in high school, thank goodness. However, clearly, I still have a hard time with food. Right now is the PERFECT example. I am not hungry. Not in the slightest. In fact, I am already WAY over my points. I used 14 flex points today. Regardless, I am not hungry. Despite this, all my mind can think about at the moment is Lucky Charms. Delicious Lucky Charms with skim milk and a banana.
|Image via Flickr, At The End Of The Rainbow, by Kate Shepard|
I don't need Lucky Charms right now. I shouldn't have them. And tomorrow, I will be more glad that I didn't eat them than if I had eaten them. Yes, I can say these things to you with complete confidence because that it makes it a bit easier. AND, I know that if I do eat it, I will also feel super guilty later. Again, unhealthy. So, instead, I am blogging. Hoping that I can get over these thoughts about the Lucky Charms.
So, there you have it. Another one of my blog posts that is hard for me to admit, but is ultimately helping me in my journey. And that's really what this blog is all about. In the time that it has taken me to write this post, I have gotten sleepy enough that I can brush my teeth and go to bed. WITHOUT eating!!! Willpower baby!
I hope that some of you can relate to my story. Or have had one of these moments before. Any suggestions about what you do to get past cravings or thoughts about food.... I would love them!
Happy ALMOST Friday! :-)