Thursday, November 10, 2011

Addicted To Food

So, you maybe looking at the title of this post and saying, "Um, yah... aren't we all."

However, recently I have been having this conversation with many of my friends.  I truly believe that just like alcohol or drugs, food can be an addiction.  There are SO many days I feel like I am fighting with the voice in my head who is justifying actions that I don't want to take... justifying why I HAVE to have the food in front of me.

"Emily, you can just start again next week." 

"You will enjoy this food a lot." 

"Tomorrow is a new day." 

"It's a special weekend, don't worry about it." 

"A couple bites doesn't hurt."

Seriously, I think my brain can help convince me to do anything.  And it doesn't take that much.  All I have to do is think about the food for a split second.  Just the thought of the food will get me to fixate on it.  To justify.  To eat it.  And if I don't?  I find myself dwelling on it.  Thinking about it.  Itching for it.  Unable to focus on what I am supposed to be doing.  Thinking about how delicious the food would taste. How much better my life would be if I had the food.  And the rational part of my brain loses the fight, and the irrational, hungry part of my brain takes over.  And sometimes I give in... And I feel guilty... and I sometimes track... And usually the grumbling in my stomach reminds me that it wasn't worth it...

I know it sounds like I am whining.  But when I lose the rational fight I feel so ashamed that I cannot control it.  That I don't always have enough willpower to fight off my thoughts.

I am not a religious person at all, however, when I went to the couple OA meetings I went to I loved listening to the serenity prayer.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.

There are many pieces of it that I find to be true.  It does me no good to sit here and focus on my struggles if I don't have a plan of action to try and change it.  Courage to the change the things I can. That's what I need to do.  Change the things I can and be ok with the trip-ups on the way.

Several months ago there was a blog post by another heath blogger that I loved.  She talked about her cycle.  Her struggle.  She ends the post by saying, the cycle ends today. I know that my cycle has to change, but I also know that in order for that to happen I need to:
1) Ask for help when I need it.
2) Be ok when I do slip up
3) Be able to get back on the wagon as soon as possible
4) Be honest with myself about my struggles

Like most of my posts I am not sure what the moral of this post is.  I am not sure that I have a specific point that I want to make.  However, whether or not it is a REAL diagnosis, I will continue to think of strategies to help me change the things I can. 


  1. oh emily. i think you're just wonderful. you write (so well) the thoughts of all of us who are learning a new way of being in the land of food. i would point out to you though, that you have an AWARENESS you didn't have before. now i KNOW when i'm eating for emotional reasons. now i KNOW when i'm eating more than i NEED to, and so do you!! it's a big deal. and you're right, it's a way of life. pounds will come and go... the awareness is the big change. it's the big thing. keep that alive, with your spirit!!! xoxo

  2. Hi Emily,
    First of all, I find you blog inspiring and it has helped me out a lot. Second, I totally get what you are saying in this post. Recently, as I have finally told my doctors about my issues with food, they diagnosed me as having a binge eating disorder which stems from an addiction to sugar. I often think people who overeat get overlooked and seen as weak, when it is an addiction like any other.

    I am glad to see you are doing so well. Thanks for the inspiration!