Wednesday, February 1, 2012

I Don't Have a Clever Title

Man, it has been a long time.  A long long time.  I should apologize and say that I am sorry.  But that would be making an excuse... and clearly I could have written if I had been motivated to... So, I won't apologize and will instead just write what's on my mind.

This whole being healthy thing is not as easy as I would like.  In fact it kinda sucks... And I don't think that it will ever be easy.  The last couple of weeks have been pretty frustrating.  I have been waffling between 157-164.  It's just annoying and it's nobody's fault but mine.

I sometimes feel like I still have a disorder.  When I was in high school I really struggled with food.  I talked to many a therapist about my eating habits.  I used to just not eat food, but now it's different.  It's hard to talk about and even harder to explain.  But, in the spirit of being honest in this blog, I will try.  When I make the decision to not track, I seriously go overboard.  And eat and eat and eat and eat until I feel sick.  Far past what I needed to or really wanted to eat.  And I feel guilty and yucky.  It makes me  think that I can't help it, it's compulsive and I fixate until I eat it and eat as much as my mouth wants.  It doesn't happen all the time, but the last two weeks I have been giving into the unhealthy decisions.  I even ate 4 pieces of pizza one night and snuck McDonalds.  And it totally wasn't worth it.

So, this week I am really trying to focus on being healthy and appreciating my life that isn't about food.

This may not be the most exciting post I have ever written, but I am just glad to be writing again!


Happy Wednesday!!

Here are some pictures of my food today!  Yay healthy choices.