Saturday, January 7, 2012

There IS Only One Emily

Let me start by saying... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! It's 2012!!! And it's been over a month since I blogged.

And I have to be honest, I have been avoiding my blog.  Avoiding it like the plaque.  And truthfully, I have no reason.  I have had plenty of time.  I got a new Ipad with the blogger app.  Exciting things have happened, but I haven't blogged.  I wish I could say that my computer broke and that electricity all over the state of Minnesota went out and so I couldn't blog, but that isn't the truth.  And I feel guilty about it.  Partly because I know there are people that want to read my blog, partly because I want to be a consistent and thoughtful blogger, but mostly because it means that for almost a month I have been making excuses and not being accountable to myself.

The interesting part of all of this, is that right before break I hit a HUGE milestone!!!! I hit my 150s.  The 150s are not numbers I have seen since my Sophomore year of high school.  So hurray for that.. However...

This would be even more exciting if I hadn't fallen COMPLETELY off the wagon RIGHT afterwards.  Eating like a pig.  All of my old habits came back full force.  Drinking chai teas, white mochas... Eating 5 meals a day, each with multiple desserts... And now I am back up 7 pounds.  Almost above the 50 pounds lost mark.  And it occurred to me.  I am not a NEW Emily.  I am the SAME Emily.  I want the same food.  I don't want to work out AT all.  I struggle with saying NO to food.  Talking about a NEW Emily and an OLD Emily makes me feel like when I want to eat whatever I want, I can just pretend that I am the OLD Emily.  But that's not true.  I CAN'T do that.  And when I do, my results aren't in the negative direction.  

So, yesterday I started the Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred... It was unpleasant when I did it and my body has been very sore today, but it felt good to be back on the wagon.  I was on a good eating path today.  I was within my points, I ate salad, twice... I ate fruit, veggies... 

AND THEN I ate a muffin and lots of cereal... And I went over... And I felt sad. 

So, I did Jillian again AND zumba.  And then I realized that EMILY can do whatever she wants!!  All I have to do is focus on the positive.  

I am hoping that tomorrow I can do better.  I am going to take it one day at a time and reach out when I need help.  

My promise to you, my blogging community, is that this week I will check in again.  BEFORE next weekend.  And if I don't, you can send me some sassy mail... :-)  I am going to get back on the wagon. I am going to hit 145 by this time next year (hopefully sooner).  That is my New Year's resolution.  I will accept that I will always be Emily.  And that all I can work on in changing my choices.  Additionally, if I have a bad day or a bad week, I am not going to try not to get depressed or mopey.  I am going to try and find the positives and be proud of my accomplishment.  So, I will leave you with a picture series that I took after my workout.  It speaks to the last couple weeks and what is to come. 

I was in the 150s! 

There was food everywhere and I struggled to say no. 
And then I was feeling FAT. 

And I got on the scale and it was NOT good. 

And then I was sad about my weight gain.

But then I decided that being depressed is not going to help me get back on track. 

I am ready to kick some MAJOR butt!

1 comment:

  1. your blogs are brutally honest that is the best step you can take on your journey. very glad to read your posts