And I have to be honest, I have been avoiding my blog. Avoiding it like the plaque. And truthfully, I have no reason. I have had plenty of time. I got a new Ipad with the blogger app. Exciting things have happened, but I haven't blogged. I wish I could say that my computer broke and that electricity all over the state of Minnesota went out and so I couldn't blog, but that isn't the truth. And I feel guilty about it. Partly because I know there are people that want to read my blog, partly because I want to be a consistent and thoughtful blogger, but mostly because it means that for almost a month I have been making excuses and not being accountable to myself.
The interesting part of all of this, is that right before break I hit a HUGE milestone!!!! I hit my 150s. The 150s are not numbers I have seen since my Sophomore year of high school. So hurray for that.. However...
This would be even more exciting if I hadn't fallen COMPLETELY off the wagon RIGHT afterwards. Eating like a pig. All of my old habits came back full force. Drinking chai teas, white mochas... Eating 5 meals a day, each with multiple desserts... And now I am back up 7 pounds. Almost above the 50 pounds lost mark. And it occurred to me. I am not a NEW Emily. I am the SAME Emily. I want the same food. I don't want to work out AT all. I struggle with saying NO to food. Talking about a NEW Emily and an OLD Emily makes me feel like when I want to eat whatever I want, I can just pretend that I am the OLD Emily. But that's not true. I CAN'T do that. And when I do, my results aren't in the negative direction.
So, yesterday I started the Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred... It was unpleasant when I did it and my body has been very sore today, but it felt good to be back on the wagon. I was on a good eating path today. I was within my points, I ate salad, twice... I ate fruit, veggies...
AND THEN I ate a muffin and lots of cereal... And I went over... And I felt sad.
So, I did Jillian again AND zumba. And then I realized that EMILY can do whatever she wants!! All I have to do is focus on the positive.
I am hoping that tomorrow I can do better. I am going to take it one day at a time and reach out when I need help.
My promise to you, my blogging community, is that this week I will check in again. BEFORE next weekend. And if I don't, you can send me some sassy mail... :-) I am going to get back on the wagon. I am going to hit 145 by this time next year (hopefully sooner). That is my New Year's resolution. I will accept that I will always be Emily. And that all I can work on in changing my choices. Additionally, if I have a bad day or a bad week, I am not going to try not to get depressed or mopey. I am going to try and find the positives and be proud of my accomplishment. So, I will leave you with a picture series that I took after my workout. It speaks to the last couple weeks and what is to come.
|I was in the 150s!|
|There was food everywhere and I struggled to say no.|
|And then I was feeling FAT.|
|And I got on the scale and it was NOT good.|
|And then I was sad about my weight gain.|
|But then I decided that being depressed is not going to help me get back on track.|
|I am ready to kick some MAJOR butt!|