Last year at this time I had fallen off the weight watchers train over a month before I left for Institute. I also had only lost 20 pounds at that point. I came to Institute and didn't really think twice about what I was eating. Somehow, I managed to only gain 2 pounds all summer. I think it was because at the time I hadn't been working out at all and all the walking made it equal out. This year, it's not the same. I had been hard core on Weight Watchers, doing everything I was supposed to all the way leading up to Institute and continuing to lose weight. I knew I was going to have to work hard this summer and continue on the weight watchers train because Institute is an awesome but stressful and exhausting 2 months. I think that I assumed I would get here and it would be ok. That because I had been doing so well at home, that it would just continue over when I got here.
However, I think this mindset is what has made this summer particularly hard for me. Assuming and not planning. For the months leading up to Institute, I kept talking about how all the walking would make me not gain weight. That has stayed in my head, even though it is not true. I didn't sit and plan with my BRP (WW group) like I had planned. I didn't buy as many healthy snacks as I had planned. I just assumed that everything was going to be fine. You know what they say about assuming, and it is showing to be true.
So, here's the hard part. I need to figure out how I can be physically healthy as well as how I can be mentally healthy about all of this. Up to this point, neither is going well. Eating in the dining hall is proving to be much more difficult than I imagined. Eating out on the weekends is not proving to be an healthier. And all the while I am beating myself up immensely and imagining what I will look like when I am the girl I used to be. Feeling bad when I am eating, and again creating a super negative relationship with my food.
I KNOW that this is a life long journey and that I have to work my way through these next 5 weeks, but I need to figure out a happy medium. I need to know how to make it without gaining more weight and without feeling completely depressed by the choices I am making.
I have been tracking this week. I've written everything down. However, I have gone SO far over my points that it is frustrating me. Which makes me not want to track. I feel like I almost don't know how to eat here and stay within my points.
So, here I am whining. Complaining some might call it. I should be solutions oriented and figure out what else I can do. Easier said than done, but I have spent the morning thinking about some of my options.
So here are my thoughts so far:
1) Find a meeting that I go to every week and weigh-in (Wednesday, noon)
2) Email my BRP girls everyday to keep me accountable
3) Exercise at least 3 times a week
4) Make sure that I am eating enough JUST be full and not more
5) Making sure the people around me keep me accountable at 1:00 am when I am still working
I will also block time in my schedule to make sure that I AM blogging so that I can write here and stay accountable.
Thank you to all the people who posted on my last post, wrote on facebook, and/or emailed me to let me know that they were thinking about me. Wagers, Alicia... yours especially... :-)
So, here's to another week. Hopefully a better one.