This Summer

Last year at this time I had fallen off the weight watchers train over a month before I left for Institute.  I also had only lost 20 pounds at that point.  I came to Institute and didn't really think twice about what I was eating.  Somehow, I managed to only gain 2 pounds all summer.  I think it was because at the time I hadn't been working out at all and all the walking made it equal out.  This year, it's not the same.  I had been hard core on Weight Watchers, doing everything I was supposed to all the way leading up to Institute and continuing to lose weight.  I knew I was going to have to work hard this summer and continue on the weight watchers train because Institute is an awesome but stressful and exhausting 2 months.  I think that I assumed I would get here and it would be ok.  That because I had been doing so well at home, that it would just continue over when I got here.

However, I think this mindset is what has made this summer particularly hard for me.  Assuming and not planning.  For the months leading up to Institute, I kept talking about how all the walking would make me not gain weight.  That has stayed in my head, even though it is not true.  I didn't sit and plan with my BRP (WW group) like I had planned.  I didn't buy as many healthy snacks as I had planned.  I just assumed that everything was going to be fine.  You know what they say about assuming, and it is showing to be true.

So, here's the hard part.  I need to figure out how I can be physically healthy as well as how I can be mentally healthy about all of this.  Up to this point, neither is going well.  Eating in the dining hall is proving to be much more difficult than I imagined.  Eating out on the weekends is not proving to be an healthier.  And all the while I am beating myself up immensely and imagining what I will look like when I am the girl I used to be.  Feeling bad when I am eating, and again creating a super negative relationship with my food. 

I KNOW that this is a life long journey and that I have to work my way through these next 5 weeks, but I need to figure out a happy medium.  I need to know how to make it without gaining more weight and without feeling completely depressed by the choices I am making.

I have been tracking this week.  I've written everything down.  However, I have gone SO far over my points that it is frustrating me.  Which makes me not want to track.  I feel like I almost don't know how to eat here and stay within my points.

So, here I am whining.  Complaining some might call it.  I should be solutions oriented and figure out what else I can do.  Easier said than done, but I have spent the morning thinking about some of my options.

So here are my thoughts so far:
1) Find a meeting that I go to every week and weigh-in (Wednesday, noon)
2) Email my BRP girls everyday to keep me accountable
3) Exercise at least 3 times a week
4) Make sure that I am eating enough JUST be full and not more
5) Making sure the people around me keep me accountable at 1:00 am when I am still working

I will also block time in my schedule to make sure that I AM blogging so that I can write here and stay accountable.

Thank you to all the people who posted on my last post, wrote on facebook, and/or emailed me to let me know that they were thinking about me.  Wagers, Alicia... yours especially... :-)

So, here's to another week.  Hopefully a better one.