Sunday, June 26, 2011

This Summer

Last year at this time I had fallen off the weight watchers train over a month before I left for Institute.  I also had only lost 20 pounds at that point.  I came to Institute and didn't really think twice about what I was eating.  Somehow, I managed to only gain 2 pounds all summer.  I think it was because at the time I hadn't been working out at all and all the walking made it equal out.  This year, it's not the same.  I had been hard core on Weight Watchers, doing everything I was supposed to all the way leading up to Institute and continuing to lose weight.  I knew I was going to have to work hard this summer and continue on the weight watchers train because Institute is an awesome but stressful and exhausting 2 months.  I think that I assumed I would get here and it would be ok.  That because I had been doing so well at home, that it would just continue over when I got here.

However, I think this mindset is what has made this summer particularly hard for me.  Assuming and not planning.  For the months leading up to Institute, I kept talking about how all the walking would make me not gain weight.  That has stayed in my head, even though it is not true.  I didn't sit and plan with my BRP (WW group) like I had planned.  I didn't buy as many healthy snacks as I had planned.  I just assumed that everything was going to be fine.  You know what they say about assuming, and it is showing to be true.

So, here's the hard part.  I need to figure out how I can be physically healthy as well as how I can be mentally healthy about all of this.  Up to this point, neither is going well.  Eating in the dining hall is proving to be much more difficult than I imagined.  Eating out on the weekends is not proving to be an healthier.  And all the while I am beating myself up immensely and imagining what I will look like when I am the girl I used to be.  Feeling bad when I am eating, and again creating a super negative relationship with my food. 

I KNOW that this is a life long journey and that I have to work my way through these next 5 weeks, but I need to figure out a happy medium.  I need to know how to make it without gaining more weight and without feeling completely depressed by the choices I am making.

I have been tracking this week.  I've written everything down.  However, I have gone SO far over my points that it is frustrating me.  Which makes me not want to track.  I feel like I almost don't know how to eat here and stay within my points.

So, here I am whining.  Complaining some might call it.  I should be solutions oriented and figure out what else I can do.  Easier said than done, but I have spent the morning thinking about some of my options.

So here are my thoughts so far:
1) Find a meeting that I go to every week and weigh-in (Wednesday, noon)
2) Email my BRP girls everyday to keep me accountable
3) Exercise at least 3 times a week
4) Make sure that I am eating enough JUST be full and not more
5) Making sure the people around me keep me accountable at 1:00 am when I am still working

I will also block time in my schedule to make sure that I AM blogging so that I can write here and stay accountable.

Thank you to all the people who posted on my last post, wrote on facebook, and/or emailed me to let me know that they were thinking about me.  Wagers, Alicia... yours especially... :-)

So, here's to another week.  Hopefully a better one.  

1 comment:

  1. Keep tracking and keep working hard! You may feel awkward, but why not try bringing some measuring utensils with you to the dining hall? That way you can measure out portions of whatever you're eating so you can correctly track? Good luck!