Funk

Today I am in a funk.  I didn't get a job for next year that I really wanted.  And I am feeling funk-ish about it.  In addition, I am feeling bummed about the state of things... my house, my weight, my attitude...

Perhaps it's just that time of year... but I am in a funk... SO... instead of whining about it (which is what I am currently doing)... I think I will make some plans...

I am going to make some plans for THIS week.  One step at a time.  Seriously... Not long term... not pounds lost before this summer... but THIS week.  And that aren't all weight plans... They are just going to get me out of this funk...

Here are goals for this week...
1) Buy new running shoes.
2) Buy new workout clothes (2 shirts, 1 pants)
3) Fold all the clothes in my room on the floor.
4) Clean up the study.
5) Write on thing that I like about myself every day on a list.
6) Run two times. Work out with Courtney once. And be ok with three times this week!

That's it.  That's what I am going to do.  Focus on those things.  And try and be positive.  Sometimes in life we get in funks.  I guess it's all about how you pick yourself and choose to face those that make you who you are... I will wallow about the job for a little bit longer.  And then I will buck up, face life head on (cheesy I know), and make some changes.  It can be done.  I know it.

No More Sucking In

Hello all!

Last time we spoke I was on a good path... a path of success and loss... While I am still bound and determined to be in the 160s before summer, there have been some minor setbacks.  I am on track for my Couch To 5k (C25K).  A couple days behind, but more or less on track.  I have been working out at least 5 days a week.  And I have been eating gluten free.

But, I have not been losing.  I have not been tracking.  And I have not been making good choices.  I am currently on a two-week physical therapy stint in Rochester, MN.  All is well!  I am perfectly fine.  We are just fixing some things that should have been fixed long ago.  It is difficult to make awesome choices when you are living a hotel.  It is difficult to make awesome choices when you end the day exhausted.  I feel like I give a thousand excuses why I can eat whatever I want.  But, clearly, I am not going to lose that way.

Yesterday my physical therapist told me some distressing news.  I am not longer allowed to suck in.  EVER.  It's adding to the stress on my body.  When I got home from the appointment I looked in the mirror at my gut hanging out... Feel slightly depressed and frustrated I had the realization that I need to have that be part of this long-term health goal.  To get to point where I feel like I can stand normally and not need to suck in.  Tonight is my night off from the gym.  Tomorrow is more zumba and running.  Friday is Body Pump.  Saturday and Sunday running. :-)  I am SO on it!

This WILL happen.  Here's to two weeks of living in a hotel and making good (not amazing, but not bad) choices!

Happy Wednesday! :-)

A New, Longer Post Coming Soon

I haven't forgotten to post this week... Between a fundraiser, report cards, and my three year anniversary, life has gotten in the way.  I will post a longer thought-provoking post... but until then.. something to smile about...

Last week's loss: 1.6 pounds
This week's loss: 2.0 pounds

I have 4.3 left to lose by March 29 for Dietbet... and 8 to lost before I am back in the 160s... :-)  I can do it!  I can do it!  I can do it!

The Girl in the Mirror

When I was little I had a CD with my name on the front and all the songs had MY name in them. You know, one of those personalized CDs where the name is slightly robotic, but is oh-so-exciting for a kid.  I remember LOVING the tape as a kid.  And for Christmas this year my mother gave me the CD version.  It was a lovely surprise.

This morning, I actually spent some time googling the lyrics to the song and while on my quest for lyrics discovered that there are a lot of other people in this world who were deeply affected by the music and were trying to find the tapes to have as a childhood memory (or to buy for their kids). :-)

I digress.  On the CD there is a song called "Girl in the Mirror".  Below are the lyrics to the song...

"Who's that girl in the mirror?  Who's that girl?
Who's that happy, smiling EMILY, who's that girl?
(cheesy kid lyrics about growing up to be like a family member)
Look at your eyes, look at your ears, sit around for a while,
The person staring back at you is sure to make you smile.
When you let your mind discover, when you let your thoughts run free,
You can be whoever you decide to be.
(chorus)
When you look into the mirror, who do you see?
All the endless possibilities you can be.
(more cheesy ideas of who I could be)

Who's that girl in the mirror?  Who's that girl?
Who's that happy, smiling EMILY, who's that girl?
Who's that girl in the mirror, tell me who!
It's that happy, smiling EMILY.
Why, it's YOU!"

When I was little that song held a completely different meaning that it does for me now.  Would I be a vet, broadway star, lawyer, teacher, waitress... And while I am still struggling on that same journey (does anyone ever REALLY know what they want to be when they grow up), this song now means something completely different.

The thought came to me as I was running at the Maplewood Community Center yesterday.  As you run around the track, you pass a series of mirrors.  I used to hate running by the mirrors because when I looked into them all I could see were my imperfections, the pieces of my body that I hate, and the slow, out of shape runner.  Yesterday, as I rounded the corner, all of a sudden it hit me.  Through Paralyzer, which was blasting into my ears, all of a sudden all I could hear was this song from my childhood.  And I couldn't help but smile.  I mean, after all, the song states, the happy, smiling EMILY!

Through the pain, the exhaustion, and the extreme hate for exercising (and running!) I felt invigorated.  When you look into the mirror, who do you see?  All the endless possibilities you can be.  And as I continued to run I thought about the 213 pound EMILY, who would never have dreamed of the possibility that I would ever be in size 8-10 pants again.  And I thought about the 180 pound EMILY (that's me now, in case that was unclear), who is working her butt off to get to where she wants to be and the possibilities of what could be.  From that moment on, every time I passed the mirror I stared into it and thought of who could eventually be staring back.  This thought kept me running.  This thought kept me going.  This thought is still rattling around in my head today.  All the endless possibilities you can be... 

So today, I will eat, exercise and live with that thought in my mind.  And truthfully, whatever the possibility, whoever I choose to be, whatever my goal, where ever I am on the journey, I need to try and never forget one of the most important lines of the song... Who's that girl in the mirror, tell me who!  It's that happy, smiling EMILY.  Why, it's YOU...

In the next couple days, I hope that as you look in the mirror this song and sentiment will cross your mind... and that whoever you see will be smiling back at you.  I know mine will be.