And so the new plan is...

THE SHOCK
This past week three things happened that slapped me in the face with reality. 

1) It started on Tuesday at the doctor's office.  I got on the scale and knew what I have been suspecting for a while, I have gone up quite a bit.  It was hard to see.
2) Saturday night I was working an event for the amazing production company that I sometimes freelance for.  It has been almost a year since I worked an event.  When I went to get dressed my uniform shirt did not fit.  It didn't fit at all.
3) This morning I tried on a pair of jeans.  Jeans that until recently fit just fine.  They don't anymore.  

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.  I know I have said that again and again and again and again.  But I worked SO hard to get to a place that I felt good about.  I worked SO hard to get healthy.  And I have changed a lot of my habits... so I REFUSE, REFUSE, REFUSE to go back to where I was. I need to get back to doing what I know I needs to be done to lead a HEALTHIER lifestyle. 

2009

October

Saturday evening I started to wallow.  I started to feel sad for myself.  I started to get angry.  I was really mad at myself.  What is my problem?  How did I let this happen?  And then I got a message from the amazing Courtney.  She reminded me that it does not do any good to just be mad.  It doesn't do any good feel sorry for myself.  What does that actually accomplish?? 

So, I started thinking.  What am I going to do?  



WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN 
First, I need to remind myself that I know what to do and I have come a long way.  The picture above from 2009 compared to this October is a nice reminder. I am no longer going to McDonalds twice a day or drinking mochas three times a day.  I exercise AT LEAST 2 days a week and often work out more.  I think about what I eat now.  Even though I don't always make the best choice, at least I am thinking about what I eat.  I have made changes. This is important for me to remember.  I KNOW WHAT TO DO. 

Next, I needed to make a plan.  A plan that helped me to make better food choices and encouraged me to work out more.  I need to get myself back to where I was in 2011 (pictured below).  

My last blog entry was about food and money and my HUGE revelation about how they connect. This realization that I needed to change my financial practices hit home in a bit way. And I am proud to say that my money situation is getting better.  I made a plan and I am sticking to it.  I have gained momentum and it's time to use that momentum to get my weight and exercise back under control.  IT IS TIME. 

THE PLAN
Today I took back my habits and made a plan.  I spent 3 hours cooking and planning meals for this week.  Using Pinterest (good for my health, not for my free time), I found a TON of recipes that focus on clean eating.  I cooked Buffalo Chicken Muffins (check out Paleomama.com for more delightful recipes) and Lemon Garlic Chicken Breasts!  The muffins, while not as beautiful as pictured below, taste amazing and will make a great lunch for Ben and I tomorrow.  The chicken breasts will be used in several meals this week, including lettuce wraps, chicken salad, and chicken with kale stir-fry!  I will also be making deviled guacamole eggs and pepperoni pizza bites for meals this week and will report on how they taste! 

In addition to taking control of my eating this week I have come up with two other pieces to my grand plan.  I am going back to working out 4-5 days a week with NO exceptions! In order to "earn" my fancier Caribou drinks, I need to work out 3 times.  For each 3 times I work out, I earn a drink. And I want that fancy drink... Egg Nog Lattes are about to return. 

AND The Emily Tinawi 2014-2015 Weight Loss Incentive Program is back!  My 5 pound incentives worked so well the first time!  My life was turned upside down not too long after starting, but I had already earned two of my incentives so I know that this works for me!  I LOVE prizes for myself! So, it's back!  Listed below are my incentives for each 5 pounds!  

The Emily Tinawi 2014-2015 Weight Loss Incentive Program

• START WEIGHT: 196
• 190 pounds-- Crock pot
• 185 pounds-- $50 Shopping Spree 
• 180 pounds-- Show at the Ordway/Orpheum
• 175 pounds-- Spa Treatment
• 170 pounds-- Night trip away/$100 spending money
• 165 pounds-- $200 Shopping Spree and a new pair of high heeled boots 
• 160 pounds-- DISNEY TRIP!!!!!!

I am excited for my plan.  I am excited for the changes I have already made.  And I am excited for the support that I have in my life. 

Thanks for all of your words of support and encouragement!  It means a lot to know that there are people fighting for a healthier lifestyle with me! 

I will be updating weekly with the results.  Let me know if you have food suggestions or things that inspire YOU!  

I Already Had The Fun

I had a completely different entry planned.  And then yesterday happened.  It made me think about lots of things in a different way... So, I decided that I wanted to share about that instead.

Spoiler Alert!  The big takeaway is that I have already had the fun.  Allow me explain...

Yesterday I had to face a harsh reality.  I have a lot of credit card debt.   And I really didn't understand exactly how much I have or the work it takes to pay off credit card debt because of the interest. Yes, correct.  I am 28 years old and I didn't really get how much money I bleed every day because of my credit cards.

Ok, now that that embarrassing piece of information is out in the open I can explain what this has to do with weight loss.

As it was explained to me yesterday (in terms of credit cards), I have already had the fun.  I spent the money.  It is gone.  Past Emily took money from Future Emily and Present Emily is having to get things in order.  To be clearer-- Since I already used the money, I can't spend that money on something else NOW because I need to pay back for the fun I already had.

DING!  That's the AH HA moment.  I ALREADY HAD THE FUN!   I need to be a bit stingier now, so that in the future I can have money to use more responsibly.  Get it?  I already had the fun and now it's time to pay it back!

Don't fret!  This sounds like a SUPER negative revelation but it's not.  There are big life lessons hidden in the statement and glimmers of hope in this difficult process!  It can't always feel like work.  I would quit pretty fast if there was NO fun to be had.  So, as I work to pay back myself, there will be smaller moments of fun (getting my nails done, coffee at Caribou once-in-a-while).  But I need to teach myself how to capitalize on those moments of small fun RESPONSIBLY and occasionally use my money for the bigger things that I will SAVE for (not impulse buy)!

I hope this is making sense to you so far.  And perhaps you already see how it correlates to food!

This past weekend I went to the Renaissance Festival and had an INCREDIBLE time!  I ate whatever I wanted.  I walked all day.  I laughed a lot.  I spent good quality time with family.  And I wasn't obsessively thinking about food.

However, I "spent" a lot of my food "money" and now I need to pay myself back. 

Perhaps this all sounds like crazy rambling to you, but for some reason it makes COMPLETE sense to me. My eating habits are like a bank.  And my body is the most "financially stable" when I am "putting in" more to the bank by eating better and exercising and "withdrawing less/putting more on credit" by eating unhealthily and not taking care of my body.  I need to get stingier with my food routines to actually CHANGE my food habits and create a more sustainable way of life.

YOU SEE?  BIG LIFE THOUGHTS!  I have already had the fun! :-)

Again, not that there isn't any fun to be had in the meantime, but it's time for some hard work to make up for the years of fun I have had without much consideration for the impact!

As blue as I felt yesterday, it was s hugely important moment for my life.  I need to get things under control.

This post is hard to write because it's hard to be vulnerable about money and health.  But perhaps this makes sense to someone reading and it sparks an AH HA moment.

Life is about the team that you have supporting you along the journey.  Lucky for me I have an amazing team.

<3 

Today is a good day.

Transformation Tuesday

Hello Blog World!
It's been over a month since I posted... two people pointed it out to me yesterday so I decided I needed to post today.

Truth.  I have been a little embarrassed to post.  I haven't been to the gym in about a month.  And I haven't been the best at tracking every day.  I have not been the healthiest Emily. 

I could write about the last month of bad habits.
I could write about feeling sorry for myself.
I could write about being hard on myself for not following my plan.
I could write a super negative post.

INSTEAD... I want to keep up my positive attitude.  Even if I haven't been the best, I have been in great spirits.  So, instead of whining about how "bad" I have been, I am going focus on what I can celebrate!

Things to celebrate:
1) WAY over 10,000 steps everyday
2) NO SODA since May 22
3) UPBEAT mindset!
4) Staying between 180-186 pounds!
5) Someone shared with me that my blog inspired them to go to the gym and they lost 2 weeks in a row!
6) Someone wrote on Facebook that I am inspiration to keep them running.
7) I have been trying to stop eating when I am full.  Really listening to my body.

I saw someone post an Transformation Tuesday post!  I decided that I would also post for Transformation Tuesday.  Here are some photos from the last 5 years of this journey!  I am not at my lowest, but I am feeling good.  It's interesting to see how I have changed over the last 5 years.

2009

213ish pounds

2010

190ish pounds

2011

170ish pounds-- Lowest! 

2012

177ish pounds

2013

192ish pounds

2014 

186ish pounds

I know that I need to keep paying attention to what I am eating and exercising! :-)  This journey is far from over. 

It's Short But Simple

The rain was pouring.
It was very, very early.
I was tired.
I needed to check my email right then.
I needed to finish an episode of New Girl. 
I needed to anything that was not going to the gym.

I did not go.
I was sitting in my workout clothes.
I did not go.
I checked my email.
I did not go.

And then I just grabbed my stuff and went.

I did C25K Week 3 Day 1.  

It was hard.  

I still didn't want to be there. 

But I stayed. 

I finished my run. 

I did my strength. 

I was glad I went. 

I'm still glad I went.
Short and simple.
It's worth it.
Going to the gym.
It's totally worth it.
I am worth it.