I Already Had The Fun

I had a completely different entry planned.  And then yesterday happened.  It made me think about lots of things in a different way... So, I decided that I wanted to share about that instead.

Spoiler Alert!  The big takeaway is that I have already had the fun.  Allow me explain...

Yesterday I had to face a harsh reality.  I have a lot of credit card debt.   And I really didn't understand exactly how much I have or the work it takes to pay off credit card debt because of the interest. Yes, correct.  I am 28 years old and I didn't really get how much money I bleed every day because of my credit cards.

Ok, now that that embarrassing piece of information is out in the open I can explain what this has to do with weight loss.

As it was explained to me yesterday (in terms of credit cards), I have already had the fun.  I spent the money.  It is gone.  Past Emily took money from Future Emily and Present Emily is having to get things in order.  To be clearer-- Since I already used the money, I can't spend that money on something else NOW because I need to pay back for the fun I already had.

DING!  That's the AH HA moment.  I ALREADY HAD THE FUN!   I need to be a bit stingier now, so that in the future I can have money to use more responsibly.  Get it?  I already had the fun and now it's time to pay it back!

Don't fret!  This sounds like a SUPER negative revelation but it's not.  There are big life lessons hidden in the statement and glimmers of hope in this difficult process!  It can't always feel like work.  I would quit pretty fast if there was NO fun to be had.  So, as I work to pay back myself, there will be smaller moments of fun (getting my nails done, coffee at Caribou once-in-a-while).  But I need to teach myself how to capitalize on those moments of small fun RESPONSIBLY and occasionally use my money for the bigger things that I will SAVE for (not impulse buy)!

I hope this is making sense to you so far.  And perhaps you already see how it correlates to food!

This past weekend I went to the Renaissance Festival and had an INCREDIBLE time!  I ate whatever I wanted.  I walked all day.  I laughed a lot.  I spent good quality time with family.  And I wasn't obsessively thinking about food.

However, I "spent" a lot of my food "money" and now I need to pay myself back. 

Perhaps this all sounds like crazy rambling to you, but for some reason it makes COMPLETE sense to me. My eating habits are like a bank.  And my body is the most "financially stable" when I am "putting in" more to the bank by eating better and exercising and "withdrawing less/putting more on credit" by eating unhealthily and not taking care of my body.  I need to get stingier with my food routines to actually CHANGE my food habits and create a more sustainable way of life.

YOU SEE?  BIG LIFE THOUGHTS!  I have already had the fun! :-)

Again, not that there isn't any fun to be had in the meantime, but it's time for some hard work to make up for the years of fun I have had without much consideration for the impact!

As blue as I felt yesterday, it was s hugely important moment for my life.  I need to get things under control.

This post is hard to write because it's hard to be vulnerable about money and health.  But perhaps this makes sense to someone reading and it sparks an AH HA moment.

Life is about the team that you have supporting you along the journey.  Lucky for me I have an amazing team.

<3 

Today is a good day.

Transformation Tuesday

Hello Blog World!
It's been over a month since I posted... two people pointed it out to me yesterday so I decided I needed to post today.

Truth.  I have been a little embarrassed to post.  I haven't been to the gym in about a month.  And I haven't been the best at tracking every day.  I have not been the healthiest Emily. 

I could write about the last month of bad habits.
I could write about feeling sorry for myself.
I could write about being hard on myself for not following my plan.
I could write a super negative post.

INSTEAD... I want to keep up my positive attitude.  Even if I haven't been the best, I have been in great spirits.  So, instead of whining about how "bad" I have been, I am going focus on what I can celebrate!

Things to celebrate:
1) WAY over 10,000 steps everyday
2) NO SODA since May 22
3) UPBEAT mindset!
4) Staying between 180-186 pounds!
5) Someone shared with me that my blog inspired them to go to the gym and they lost 2 weeks in a row!
6) Someone wrote on Facebook that I am inspiration to keep them running.
7) I have been trying to stop eating when I am full.  Really listening to my body.

I saw someone post an Transformation Tuesday post!  I decided that I would also post for Transformation Tuesday.  Here are some photos from the last 5 years of this journey!  I am not at my lowest, but I am feeling good.  It's interesting to see how I have changed over the last 5 years.

2009

213ish pounds

2010

190ish pounds

2011

170ish pounds-- Lowest! 

2012

177ish pounds

2013

192ish pounds

2014 

186ish pounds

I know that I need to keep paying attention to what I am eating and exercising! :-)  This journey is far from over. 

It's Short But Simple

The rain was pouring.
It was very, very early.
I was tired.
I needed to check my email right then.
I needed to finish an episode of New Girl. 
I needed to anything that was not going to the gym.

I did not go.
I was sitting in my workout clothes.
I did not go.
I checked my email.
I did not go.

And then I just grabbed my stuff and went.

I did C25K Week 3 Day 1.  

It was hard.  

I still didn't want to be there. 

But I stayed. 

I finished my run. 

I did my strength. 

I was glad I went. 

I'm still glad I went.
Short and simple.
It's worth it.
Going to the gym.
It's totally worth it.
I am worth it.

How To Turn Your Day Around

I had a bunch of different blog entries planned and then yesterday happened.

Yesterday morning I got on the scale at the gym.

186.
186.
186.

The last time I weighed myself was on April 29.  176.  Yesterday 186.

186.

And I felt shattered.  Totally shattered.  I've been in such a good state of mind, to get on the scale and see that number was just brutal.

After talking to some of the important people in my life (THANK YOU!) I started feeling better.  I needed some reminding that I have been working really hard and feeling really good.

So I did what any sane girl feeling depressed about her body does.  I went bathing suit shopping.  It really could have gone two different ways.  But I decided that I wanted to take back the working hard, feeling great feeling.

I tried on three bathing suits.

2 two-piece bathings suits... WHAT?!?!
1 really cute, maroon one-piece bathing suit.

The results could have been terrible.  But I am happy to say that although the two-pieces didn't get purchased, I tried them on AND walked out of my dressing room to look in the bigger mirrors.  And they looked quite cute.  Honestly, if they had one of them in my size I would have purchased it.

I did buy the one-piece and I am really happy with it.

And after trying on the swim suits, I came back to my apartment, changed my outfit into something cuter and went and had a GREAT day.  I didn't let the stupid number ruin my day.

As the security guard who works the front desk here reminded me the other day when it was pouring out, it's all about perspective and how you choose to face the rain.

And as you can see from pictures, my day turned out to be super sunny.